poetry critical

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sometimes the yellow
frowns at the beige
  like badges square
  over tapioca
screaming "HOWTY COW!"
sometimes late for afternoon
you mourning sod, crinkled
shoe, you sure stupid poo.
byit as you do, scarecrow
figure lithe as icepop
sun/sun sunbathers
brought to bare.
being yours i scarcely would
admit to beigeness on my part,
vagueness really, as
the yellow on your dimpled thighs,
screaming clit, lit-
can't f'ing f it.

3 Jan 10

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stanza three dims out -- it could be more introspective, building inner visions and images, and then come back, in stanza four, to 'ironies'. what this kind of poem can do is take the reader out of chatter and into their own experience, and that's most easily done by writing a raw image, without commenting on it, at the right point in the poem.
 — bmikebauer