poetry critical

online poetry workshop



I'm Always Crying
unknown

this is my 1st poem and granted that it's late at night and i'm too pissed to think, enjoy ripping it apart.

My eyes feel like an orgasm when I cry for you.
 1
Knowing that my love is draining snuggles me comfortably
 2
And I feel energized with that motivation to leave you.
 3
 
 
When I open my mouth you kiss me with words,
 4
Telling me how I've never been good enough.
 5
What choice do I have, but to make you happy?
 6
I drink from your empty hugs and the love is refilled.
 7
 
 
Times wont always be like this.
 8
Someday things will be different,
 9
Someday you'll be the one crying for me.
 10

16 Mar 04

Rated 3 (6.8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 3, 7
Inactive (9): 5, 6, 6, 6, 8, 8, 8, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

This is beautiful, yet twisted somehow. I can see so many mixed emotions clearly, and line 1 is great, in fact, the first stanza is excellent. You've done a great job, keep it up.
 — dmartin

Well, for someone who was pissed as a fart when they were scribbling this, I think you did a very good job and got your point across vividly.  I certainly picked up on what you are trying to say and how you feel.  So, regardless of your state or poetic ability; you have done very well!  They only negative comment I would have, is that I'm not mad about the word 'orgasm' in the fist line, however, I get the point of using it.   (I always think of the word orgasm when I'm pissed too, whether it's mine or someone else's!!!...but that's just me...or so I thought!)
 — Champ

Stirring in its portayal of feline angst. Is SpunHeart hungry or contemplating his place in a hungry world? The artist has evoked both hopelessness and glee with his irrational use of negative space
 — unknown

ah this is so good until the last stanza.
 — done

Great job. I even like the last stanza. Revenge is a great motivator:>).
 — sasha277

i feel for you
 — unknown

oh shut the hell up reaper. you dont even have the balls to post with your own name. and yea, mhmm my mom sure would give a little 10 year old asian boy like you a blow job....ya got me there. it's a good thing you want to screw a corpse because that's the only action any chick would give you.
 — SpunHeart

Excellent poem!!! it is so real it dragged me into reading it over and over
even tho the first line is a bit odd
 — normalgirl90

wow this poem is in my fave list
its so strong and real
 — unknown

THIS POEM IS SO AWESOME, SO STRONG SO REAL!!!!
ANYBODY CAN EASILY RELATE TO IT!!!!
EXCELLENT WORK!!!!
 — unknown

I hate the opening line. Too much information and then it descends into banality. i only wish I could be more positive.
 — opal

  that wasn't very nice to tell Reaper, he doesn't have to only fuck a corpse, apparently he had your mom...
 — xKiKix

someone sounds like they like their women tied and beaten
 — InMyBlood

i loved ur poem theres so many feelings in it good job =D
 — Sweet_Pea

yeah cry you little bitch!
 — unknown

This is very good for a 1st poem. You strike me as very talented with the use of metaphor. I don't particularly care for the last stanza. I think this would be better without it. Or maybe leave line 8, but cut the last two.
 — elysium

Wow--it's as if you feel pleasure from the pain you suffer, as long as it's pain inflicted by the subject of whom you write.
 — jarofdirt

Aren't orgasms supposed to be pleasurable? Right off the bat, it gives me the impression that you like crying fro him. And while you do want to leave him, I still think the comparison is poor. Other than that, I love the twisted analogies and it's a very clever poem. Also, I don't think the last stanza fits with the rest of it.
 — unknown

it should be "my eyes feel like they are orgasming". My eyes feel like an orgasm makes no sense and is stupid
 — InMyBlood

Too many internal contradictions.
 — unknown

I love this poem....if you have any like I'm not crying anymore and im better off with out you..pleae let me know....because it will be for my ex....that keeps breaking up with me and wants to go back out...but i had enough.. Email me at  jear_bear2005@hotmail.com   ;  Thanks Jeri
 — unknown

WOW.  your definatly have a nack for poetry.  well for my interest at least.
 — divinity

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