| train money
|
Sequiturist
| top of the 4-line station | 1 |
streets rage in | 2 |
bottled-up rain | 3 |
trickles down | 4 |
columns of welded iron— | 5 |
piss meets the urinal wall | 6 |
| |
a teal slated sky | 7 |
introverted; sheds lather | 8 |
because new england | 9 |
is fucking depressing | 10 |
| |
| |
(now i think of reid | 11 |
waddling past timber-dry | 12 |
florida palms recording | 13 |
| |
old houses soccer moms minors | 14 |
out of breath voice raspy | 15 |
from thirst | 16 |
| |
from thirst!) | 17 |
| |
| |
it rains inside too— | 18 |
overcast paint-chip nimbi | 19 |
except it comes with | 20 |
a side of rust | 21 |
(reid old sage that he is would ask | 22 |
"rusty rain | 23 |
or rainy rust?" | 24 |
if he ever takes up tourism) | 25 |
| |
| |
a child behind me | 26 |
has yet to see the shades | 27 |
of summer days | 28 |
wrapped in polar layers | 29 |
two holes | 30 |
for the nose— poor thing | 31 |
| |
| |
yet not as poor as i am— | 32 |
the entrance begs | 33 |
jaws whirring | 34 |
and waits for cash | 35 |
but i don't | 36 |
have train money | 37 |
(gave my last dollar | 38 |
to a man | 39 |
selling his latino punk voice | 40 |
by the stair way) | 41 |
| |
| |
no wet-pole-clinging | 42 |
eastbound | 43 |
seat | 44 |
yet too young for | 45 |
umbrellas | 46 |
| |
over the arched williamsburg bridge | 47 |
rain waits to split | 48 |
me open | 49 |
for movingtoofast | 50 |
cyclists wait to split | 51 |
me open | 52 |
for m o v i n g t o o s l o w | 53 |
| |
| |
so i half-trawled my converses | 54 |
from puddles— | 55 |
myself long gone | 56 |
now spending a summer | 57 |
in balmy florida | 58 |
| |
dishing | 59 |
out the last coins | 60 |
in my wallet | 61 |
for ice cream— mint chip | 62 |
because | 63 |
reid is one chatty fucker | 64 |
|
27 Jan 10 |
Rated 10 (10) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (0): 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(25 more poems by this author)
(1 user considers this poem a favorite)
|
Add A Comment:
|
Comments:
who's reid?
— unknown
This is better in my opinion then the first two you posted. You always have a LOT of imagery in your poetry but this time it was equally matched with actual events and dialogue. This poem is different than the others because it's revealing something more than just what a passerby could easily see. This really gets good for me after line 11 because then (unlike in your other ones) I get to know you a little better.
Very nice. A 10 poem, even though you don't believe in those lol.
One question: did some of the format mess up because I'm not seeing all of the extra spaces as intentional XD
— laura352
thank you, laura.
and yes PC changes my spacing around...i think i'll polish some of the spacing up a bit.
i think this one is more 'me' than my last two because the experience is more personal.
i started this poem with the line "reid is one chatty fucker" and kinda built it up, instead of down...lol
— Sequiturist
Hmm interesting technique lol.
And yes it is really clear that this is a much personal piece :)
— laura352
columns of WELDed iron(y)—
have you head of weld's reputation?
go to harvard's scandal's page and you'll see what i'm talking about :)
anypoop
i like how you made parts stand out
such as
"out of breath voice raspy
from thirst
from thirst!)"
i love this part:
"for movingtoofast
cyclists wait to split
me open
for m o v i n g t o o s l o w"
because the way the words were typed gives you a literal sense of what you're talking about
this poem reminds me of Catcher in the Rye
:)
— unknown
Weld Hall is a dormitory at Harvard. I don't know about any weld scandal...enlighten me.
ew, angsty Holden....haha.
— Sequiturist
haha, it's you, ingrid.
and you're referring to the sophomore skanks of weld? lol, good times...
— Sequiturist
That is one of the kindest poems I've ever read.
You know, I could not write a poem at seventeen,
much less express such care or empathy for older, lessers.
See, you have The Curse, and you must be tough and not let life kill you.
Seventeen was probably the worst year of my life. It was horrible in every aspect,
and I had no outlet, such as writing, by which to escape a nasty home life.
Sure, the weather was and is great here. But, I mostly retired to my own room,
to make repairs to my old pocket watch collection, or create photographic prints
using old cameras from the teens and...solutions of home-mixed chemicals,
and tried pot and LSD, and wept and felt sorry for myself. I was a mess, and still am, in a way.
Now, your poem is with any real fault. You've done something remarkable:
you wrote of life OUTSIDE of your own miserable, young-man self.
You cared enough to think of me, lately so short of breath and time.
And in so doing, you have given me reason to want to ride the bike
(but my left knee is aching for no reason).
Yes, yesterday I took my first short bike ride for a couple of weeks.
The knee hurts. I took along a camera. I risked the sunlight, late afternoon.
I saw the sea and the bouganvillia, and met my late friend, Bill Hugget's neice,
K....who is so pretty and sweet, and we sat on the seawall and talked of her uncle
bills....must be paid. Your poem is a gift of life to myself.
I thank you so much for the beauty of your real, living, determined self.
Eighteen will be much better! Twenty? You will be set to own the world!
I will make a little video snipped of "huffy" out of breath, self, from the footage of yesterday,
and just for you, to see some light and color.
It's bleak and gray in New England these days, but not really.
You have imagination enough to be anywhere you want to be.
You are now an adult, and a good one.
ty,
— R_Reid_Welch
I refuse to be in the Catcher Cult lol.
Damn yuppies.
— laura352
^ laura, Salinger is dead...don't you feel bad about that comment now?! :D
reid, thank you for the compliments.
i hope your knees get better and then you can bike more.
this poem...it's the very least that i can do to brighten your day. :)
— Sequiturist
^ Of course not. I never feel bad about my comments! lol :p
— laura352
this poem is rated 10. nonsensical!
please critique the cap off of this poem, thanks!
— Sequiturist
LOL
This was great-
Lines 14-17 made me laugh, soccer moms- hehe.
And lines 43-49 are awesome- in words and the way they are layed out.
Well done CHAP!
— mandolyn
OH and yes at 17 you are VERY talented!!
I just thought about that.
Wow.
— mandolyn
thank you, mandolyn.
my main problems with this poem are lines 32-42...any specific opinions on those 2 stanzas?
— Sequiturist
Hmm I don't.
I think it is good.
;)
— mandolyn
Just a quick blurb from me. Accidental genius? Those two words, especially when it is referring to the author, is really awkward, and pretentious. The rest of the poem is great.
— NadCloutier
Don't feel down that BxPR disrespects you. He does that with a lot of poets here. That is the way he is, they grow them like that in hillbilly states. You are ten times a better poet than he can ever hope to be.
— unknown
I have no problem with L32-42.
That part for me is like the hook. It's the part that could easily get stuck in my head XD
— laura352
thanks unk. i'll leave the veteran alone in his infinite superiority and wisdom (heh).
and laura, ty.
too bad that now i wish i hadn't written this poem. :(
— Sequiturist
Well-crafted, well-characterized, thoroughly enjoyable. No crits.
— NicMichaels
thank you, NicMichaels...any other takers?
— Sequiturist
|
|
|