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Beneath a Tulip Moon (trimmed)
uncjaf

That evening a fox
 1
         emerged from the neighbor's cucumber patch,
 2
speaking stems and leaves
 3
         from beyond the backyard grotto,
 4
         pressing
 5
         lamplit mud.
 6
 
 
As the sky fell
 7
the fox
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         gekkered & gnawed the champagne-glass
 9
bones of a field-mouse,
 10
         gathered in the twilight rush.
 11
 
 
The night-blooming cereus became so suddenly.
 12

28 Jan 10

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I had to look up cereus, but that's okay. I looked up gekkered, but did not find it except as a person's name. I pictured a lizard, so gekker didn't work for me, but it may be a colloquial use I am not acquainted with. That's the only part of the poem that pulled me out of the story. I liked the use of pressing, but wonder if I am to see the fox's feet pressing prints into mud, if the word feet should be in there, too. Small point from a fresh pair a eyes on the moonshine. Thanks for the read.
 — NicMichaels

what was trimmed? the bush?
 — unknown

hmm...i liked the word gekkered, but i got an impression of teetering don't know if that was the meaning...but I agree that it drew me out of the poem...using rare/archaic/made up words can be a challenge because they can be both pleasing but can have auditorial miscommunication...some words dont sound the idea that they convey
 — Ansel

I write haibun and this would lend itself to that genre, Good effort.
 — unknown

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