d a y
e n o y into my
s u a much maligned mind
r w bake my veins like meth,
keep your promise
of a slow death
2 Feb 10
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(define the words in this poem)
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this must be mr web's poem.
just look at it play with my eyeballs.
pretty nice considering i'm not all that well-rounded.
L17 could you rephrase it to "keep your promise a slow death"
it kind of brings a double meaning to it.
Thanks Jen for reading and commenting. I read with and without the 'of' and I like the 'of'. But thanks for the thoughts. Always appreciated.
Our state's strategy on methamphetamine, and any other issue, is going to be a moving target...
Phil Bredesen... such as your snake...
Thank you JKWeb for bringing this to our attention, your work here is very thought provoking... I like the way your style has gone on different venues... J.G. Smiles
Thanks for reading and commenting. Saw a show on meth on NatGeo called "The World's Most Dangerous Drug" and "Venom E.R." (I watch too much T.V.) and kind of combined the two themes. Anyway, thanks again.
Thanks for reading and nice brief comment.
I like your shape poem. very creative!
Thanks for having a look. I'm glad you like it.
im not sure i quite understand it. but i lyk the design!!
JK! Another cool art poem. I like the lithp of the title, too!
no prob ;)
The web of words!
L O V E L Y ! ! !
Thanks for reading and commenting. Glad you like the design.
Thank you. I didn't notice the "lithp" part till after I posted and it bugged me for a bit and thought of changing but obviously decided to keep as is. Thanks again.
Thanks for re-visiting. Much obliged.
Thanks for having a look at this "web of words". :J
Cool JK. The slithering words just want to slide off of a forked tongue when you read it. ssssssssssss!
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
this is fantastic! the creative structure lends itself to the overall effect, but even without that, the piece stands on its own well
great alliteration, efficient use of words, title perfectly reflects the body of the poem...
just overall very interesting piece. i would not change a thing about it
Thanks for reading and the positive feedback.
I love this... these are hard to write and you did a great job here.
I appreciate you taking the time to read and positive feedback.
i think you're getting prolific and better at this style, mr JKWebster sir.
play with space, making words flex across the void. my only difficulty here is the "break my veins like meth", it reads too flat, as a simile, meth and veins feels like an easy model to draw on. as you have already alluded to the mind, and meth would more break a mind, perhaps something synaptic might work there .. but then again :)
Thanks for reading the positive words. I appreciate it.
Thanks for reading and the detailed crit. How about, 'swim/dance in my veins like meth' or 'rake/stain my veins like/with meth' ? Maybe...
how about "crank my veins like meth" or "ice my veins with meth" to use some of the nicknames for meth......
Thanks for the suggestions. I took your 'nickname' idea and decided to go with 'bake'. Thanks again.
can i ask, is the meth injected? or is "veins" a metaphor or literal?
if injected i feel it would make more sense using veins, as meth tends to super-accentuate the the sensation of the physical musculature of the body, and more tends towards a mental focus, thought processes and such.
i was thinking along the lines of ..
"break my synapses", or something cerebral, equivalent to the physical pathways of the veins.. i'm probably barking up a huge wrong tree here, so ignore me if i am :)
I saw a show on NatGeo where meth was injected. As is (of course) snake venom. I combined the two deadly components. I hope that gives some clarity. Thanks for re-visiting.
It does Jk, thanks ;)
I like bake my veins like meth.
Glad you like the edit. Thanks.
Thanks for reading and nice brief comment.
i'd really like to see the authors of this kind of work have some worldly success with them, because they're so graphic and clever and evocative -- like, if you could have them printed as wall posters, with sometimes colored type... it's a very popular thing -- people like text, they have to read it all the time -- and, they like to see it played with, on one level, and they like graphic, pithy, thoughts.
ignore the sucking up of the idiot bauer.
Thanks again bmikebauer.
Thanks for stopping by unknown.
Yes- web of words is such a bliss.
I love this.
It brings a hiss
Makes us ravenous....
I'll stop now.
Thank you for your time
and your rhymes.
Very cool another 10 mos def
Thanks for reading and comment. I appreciate it mos def.
visuals does it.
grazie tanto for stopping by unknown.
You've managed to meld this visual with your words seamlessly.
A timely subject filled with poetic truths.
thanks much Io for pulling this from the semi-recent archives. glad you seem to like. I think I watch too much NatGeo.
Very clever and well-written concrete poem. I like how it slithers across the page and lodges into the mind.
This evokes such darkness. I've never done meth or coke or heroin or anything like that, but I've seen quite a lot of it in the shelter system in which I worked. It's SO BLACK, in fact, that's it's beautiful by the very truth it speaks. Of course, the way in which it's presented is pretty effective TOO. Great work! This would do wonders in ANY kind of detox setting as an inspiration to those who are in recovery. :-)
thank you mtharp for reading and positive feedback. appreciate it much I do.
thanks starr for reading and thoughts. I wrote this after watching a show on the dangers of meth. I equate it to injecting snake venom. :l
i remember this one! love it.
a hefty spam bump.
thanks a bunch unknown and mandolyn for reads and comments