| venometh
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JKWeb
| great serpent, | 1 |
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s | 2 |
l | 3 |
i | 4 |
t | 5 |
h | 6 |
e | 7 |
r | 8 |
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s | 9 |
l e | 10 |
i k | 11 |
d a y | 12 |
e n o y into my | 13 |
s u a much maligned mind | 14 |
r w bake my veins like meth, | 15 |
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keep your promise | 16 |
of a slow death | 17 |
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2 Feb 10 |
Rated 9.6 (9.6) by 10 users.
Active (10): 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (0): 9, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(60 more poems by this author)
(1 user considers this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
this must be mr web's poem.
just look at it play with my eyeballs.
pretty nice considering i'm not all that well-rounded.
L17 could you rephrase it to "keep your promise a slow death"
it kind of brings a double meaning to it.
=-)
— jenakajoffer
Thanks Jen for reading and commenting. I read with and without the 'of' and I like the 'of'. But thanks for the thoughts. Always appreciated.
— JKWeb
Our state's strategy on methamphetamine, and any other issue, is going to be a moving target...
Phil Bredesen... such as your snake...
Thank you JKWeb for bringing this to our attention, your work here is very thought provoking... I like the way your style has gone on different venues... J.G. Smiles
— goeszon
Lovely
— purdy5
goeszon-
Thanks for reading and commenting. Saw a show on meth on NatGeo called "The World's Most Dangerous Drug" and "Venom E.R." (I watch too much T.V.) and kind of combined the two themes. Anyway, thanks again.
— JKWeb
purdy5-
Thanks for reading and nice brief comment.
— JKWeb
I like your shape poem. very creative!
— unknown
unknown-
Thanks for having a look. I'm glad you like it.
— JKWeb
im not sure i quite understand it. but i lyk the design!!
— firerocket
JK! Another cool art poem. I like the lithp of the title, too!
— Isabelle5
no prob ;)
— jenakajoffer
The web of words!
L O V E L Y ! ! !
— mandolyn
firerocket-
Thanks for reading and commenting. Glad you like the design.
— JKWeb
Isabelle-
Thank you. I didn't notice the "lithp" part till after I posted and it bugged me for a bit and thought of changing but obviously decided to keep as is. Thanks again.
— JKWeb
Jen-
Thanks for re-visiting. Much obliged.
— JKWeb
mandolyn-
Thanks for having a look at this "web of words". :J
— JKWeb
Cool JK. The slithering words just want to slide off of a forked tongue when you read it. ssssssssssss!
— grneyeddevil
grneyeddevil-
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
— JKWeb
this is fantastic! the creative structure lends itself to the overall effect, but even without that, the piece stands on its own well
great alliteration, efficient use of words, title perfectly reflects the body of the poem...
just overall very interesting piece. i would not change a thing about it
— Tandisol
Tandisol-
Thanks for reading and the positive feedback.
Much appreciated.
— JKWeb
I love this... these are hard to write and you did a great job here.
— aforbing
aforbing-
I appreciate you taking the time to read and positive feedback.
— JKWeb
nice.
i think you're getting prolific and better at this style, mr JKWebster sir.
: )
— fractalcore
play with space, making words flex across the void. my only difficulty here is the "break my veins like meth", it reads too flat, as a simile, meth and veins feels like an easy model to draw on. as you have already alluded to the mind, and meth would more break a mind, perhaps something synaptic might work there .. but then again :)
— jharrison
fractalcore-
Thanks for reading the positive words. I appreciate it.
— JKWeb
jharrison-
Thanks for reading and the detailed crit. How about, 'swim/dance in my veins like meth' or 'rake/stain my veins like/with meth' ? Maybe...
— JKWeb
how about "crank my veins like meth" or "ice my veins with meth" to use some of the nicknames for meth......
— Tandisol
Tandisol-
Thanks for the suggestions. I took your 'nickname' idea and decided to go with 'bake'. Thanks again.
— JKWeb
can i ask, is the meth injected? or is "veins" a metaphor or literal?
if injected i feel it would make more sense using veins, as meth tends to super-accentuate the the sensation of the physical musculature of the body, and more tends towards a mental focus, thought processes and such.
i was thinking along the lines of ..
"break my synapses", or something cerebral, equivalent to the physical pathways of the veins.. i'm probably barking up a huge wrong tree here, so ignore me if i am :)
— jharrison
jharrison-
I saw a show on NatGeo where meth was injected. As is (of course) snake venom. I combined the two deadly components. I hope that gives some clarity. Thanks for re-visiting.
— JKWeb
It does Jk, thanks ;)
— jharrison
I like bake my veins like meth.
— unknown
nicely done.
— bmikebauer
unknown-
Glad you like the edit. Thanks.
— JKWeb
bmikebauer-
Thanks for reading and nice brief comment.
— JKWeb
i'd really like to see the authors of this kind of work have some worldly success with them, because they're so graphic and clever and evocative -- like, if you could have them printed as wall posters, with sometimes colored type... it's a very popular thing -- people like text, they have to read it all the time -- and, they like to see it played with, on one level, and they like graphic, pithy, thoughts.
— bmikebauer
ignore the sucking up of the idiot bauer.
best way.
— unknown
Thanks again bmikebauer.
— JKWeb
Thanks for stopping by unknown.
— JKWeb
Yes- web of words is such a bliss.
I love this.
It brings a hiss
Makes us ravenous....
I'll stop now.
:-)
— mandolyn
mandolyn-
Thank you for your time
and your rhymes.
— JKWeb
Very cool another 10 mos def
— BxPR
BxPR-
Thanks for reading and comment. I appreciate it mos def.
— JKWeb
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