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syrossoul
| hip bones, ribs, | 1 |
all in place, | 2 |
fall on mattress - | 3 |
.pillow face. | 4 |
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fluffy, plump, | 5 |
too soft | 6 |
to jump... | 7 |
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alarming ring, | 8 |
circling bone, | 9 |
covers on, | 10 |
.telephone. | 11 |
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8 Feb 10 |
Rated 8 (8) by 2 users.
Active (2): 8
Inactive (0): 8
(define the words in this poem)
(100 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
too much
— unknown
The first 4 lines are great!
The rest is pretty cool too...
I like the flow~
— mandolyn
cheers unk.
— unknown
(ahh, tis you!)
— mandolyn
thanks mand, ya, tizz i.!
— unknown
aye.
welcome back.
:)
— mandolyn
nice poem syros, nice moves.
might say that L8 is a word too many though. 'bells ring' would be tighter.
hmm, finding the same hiccup in L10. might be me is all.
— jenakajoffer
hi jen:)
yea, feeling the clunkyness too, thanks for input...changes made..
— syrossoul
nice one
— Tandisol
No crits for the witty poem, just stared at the title like a Rorschach test, hoping the ink blot would reveal itself to me. It didn't. Sorry, bud.
— NicMichaels
The artist formerly known as Prince (know known as Prince) could learn something about writing from you. Good stuff. No nits to pick.
— Bloodfetish
thanks for the comments
— unknown
looks and read great, syros
:)
— jenakajoffer
thanks for the input jen.
— syrossoul
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