poetry critical

online poetry workshop



space walk
unknown

he attended to the rings
 1
around her eyes,
 2
the craters of her breasts,
 3
every satellite blemish
 4
regardless of whether each was
 5
defined as
 6
moon or planet.
 7

21 Feb 10

Rated 10 (9) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (2): 7, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

hmm,

multi-
loonar

intern-
plannertary

primary
orbit

die-
verse

see
fried

; )
 — fractalcore

nice
 — unknown

This poem is good, I enjoy your metaphors and word plays, especially "rings around."  This poem works well short, but it's often important to have each word working hard in such a short poem.  You could make a few words to create more word plays , especially lines 5 and 6, which could pack more punch.  Great poem!
 — marisatw

interesting imagery
 — rivergood

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