|for a rose; a rose
I cannot lower your affect
or tame tragedies among holidays,
I can only give a symbol of my love,
and if you find my affections morbid
it is because I am left empty,
reduced by unloving hands.
If ever I find you thrown to the underground,
I will set sauciness aside
hold you to my aching breast;
let you finish dying.
23 Feb 10
Rated 9.8 (7.8) by 6 users.
Active (6): 10, 10
Inactive (13): 1, 2, 3, 3, 4, 5, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
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let us clear that up right now shall we.
ha, that was a good one though, unk.
this is a nicely written piece, Jen...
sorry, pretty Jen.
Here is a rose, of sorts, a 10.
thanks mandee, bleed my friggin heart!
what are you sorry for, unk
calling me a slobster?
well whatever you say, i'm not offended.
i'm a good sprot.
woops hell i just called you mandee
sorry tandi, must be the rhyme in me head!
I would never call you that.
you're my silver rose.
i am? i don't think i've ever been anyone's silver rose before.
pretty flower, thank you.
ease ant eat the ducks' easin'?
if ponyboy loves cheese then he can
be friends with the 3 miser mice on
best parts are ||10-19 and, guess what,
they're a ponypome on their own.
hmm, good question...do you think he will like my cheese?
thanks fract, i read the sect you mentioned on it's own, liked it, but i hope you don't suggest that i cut the first 9 lives,
i mean lines.
maybe relive the first 9 lives as if you were
a kitten missing salmonella in sardines for
9 eras, for the eros of eat.
nah, maybee i just find that they weaken/lower
the effect of the whole ponypome in general.
it's just me, is always the case.
so, can my 3 miser mice play with your pony?
it might be that you have twin kittens trying
speak on each other's behalf. it's growing on
sure they can play.
we're missing sir tonight.
hope it grows on you more.
it will take me time and avoidance of the pomme
to really see it through, for me to know when it's done.
where the hell is that pony anyway?
This is amazing! Truly!
I loved it...all of it.
And it definately had a home run~
mandolyn, read jen's thread about spelling.
you poked your nose into it, but you don't know how to read or spell.
unknown-- it was a JOKE.
If you knew me.
You'd know that.
You'd definately know that.
"dying flower" is succinct, is beautiful...is all i would ever need. will need.
notice i already thanked you eh mandol?
funny mistake. i'm glad you had a read, thanks :)
linus, if that is all you'll ever need, then i will have to stop writing the buffalo poems.
(thank you :)
you should get rid of line five. it verges on repetition
replace it with something like
love is never corrupted except in its enactment
lines six to nine are good
ten to twelve, is lazy writing
thirteen to eighteen is the best part of the trip
line 19. phiffft
i appreciate the comments unknown,
but just to be clear, the writing in those lines is not lazy, it is borrowed:
this poem is for my friend.
also, funny as it is, lines 5 and 9 happen to be my favourite bits
so i suppose i won't be following your suggestions on there.
thank you for your thoughts.
Wow. Such a calculated and crafted piece.
For readership sake (ONLY) should 'with' in line 11 be better changed to 'of'? Or are you looking for a quid pro quo by using with in 11, against and opposite the thoughts in 10 and 12 respectively? Curious is all. To that end 13-14 do read a tad like a parenthetical. But I am niggling really. There is so much more here that is exemplary that needs to be vaulted:
I find this narrative completely compelling, and do think that it is benefited with knowing the back story. However it too should be viewed as a stand alone piece.
Firstly, the title 'For A Rose; a Rose'.
This denotes some sort of equal exchange. But, what is the exchange the reader must ask....beauty for beauty?
Maybe...but not so much, me thinks. The giving, or the exchange is something else all together.
The first rose, is dying, as is indicated by the last line. This equal exchange is too supported by the 2nd stanza. (L8/9)
To appease the audience not included in the narrative, L/7 reveals that this seemingly equal exchange is both needed and welcomed to the parties herein, and should not be deemed 'morbid' or grotesque, once the image is understood.
The speaker then defines the picture more. We know the first party is a (dying) rose, but what is the speaker? The author answers that in stanza 3.
The rose's best parts can not be stolen. Literally, that would be only the stem and the petals. Scent, color, and the clichéd symbolic love all can be taken away by one or many, as the speaker knows.
This is where the poem vaults above mere words, and where the true exchange is realized. This is where love, real love, is defined...dare I reveal it? Okay. It is the exchange of selfless service to another. It is said that greater love hath no man than this, the (s)he lay down his life...for a friend. This is not better said, and better pictured then in lines 17-19.
I really, don't have the words, beyond how moved and moving this work is.
And that is without all the back-story. Given the comments above, everyone wants to be the rose you hold to your chest. Whoever this friend is that you wrote this for, he's very lucky to have you in his corner. I hope he finds you. (re: line 15/16).
don't be silly, this is the poem for you. :)
and thank you so very much for helping me, just through our exchanges in poetry. you've expressed exactly what i was hoping to convey, especially in the last stanza.
your thoughts have cheered me greatly.
i should put my dedication to you on the poem, but dedications seem to take something relatable away for other readers, don't you agree?
thank you for sharing thoughts with me on our other poem's,
and also for the poem 'transient'.
oh yes, nice catch on 'with' to 'for', thanks i changed it.
i decided i would add my footnote. it feels good, right.
aw...shucks. Color me surprised.
Isn't that what PC is for...the exchange of ideas and thoughts...(if nothing else).
If I were a 'paint by numbers' print, right now, I'd be as brilliant as a 'Maiden's Blush' because of you.
you have this sort of archaic spirit, ponyboy. =-)
i thought as you thought about the parantheses surrounding lines 13-14, but for some reason reading the poem with them took something very sincere away from the message, the tone. sometimes parantheses look gimmicky and fun, but that is just me. if it didn't feel that way, i would put them in for sure.
thanks for observing that.
and yes, pc is exactly that. :)
This is beautifiul jen. You are the giver of roses with every poem you write.
I don't know what too say everyone else liked it so much I feel bad for not liking it. I feel even worse for having reasons for not liking it. So I will just leave it at that. this isn't for me.
solstice, funny you should have such a name...
don't ever feel bad for not liking a poem, especially mine. i welcome your opinion.
and if you have reasons for not liking it, i would be most welcoming.
thank you for reading :)
Paul, I apologize for delaying my appreciation. thank you, i am deeply touched.
this is nice and alluring for those guys usually only warmed by the glow of their laptop
ah yes, those poor bastards. :)
Yes, but there's an app for that, now.
*raising a white flag*
I really enjoyed reading this. Well done.
why would the first unknown think this was for rask?
in addition-- I wonder if effect, should be affect.
should be affect,of curse
I hope that you love proves true.
i am loveless, but thank you for the hope
Love this still just because of the poem that inspired it. Thank you for the memories, Ponyboy :)
I suppose roses on Valentine's Day are traditional, but they're so cliché. :)
I can't go this far back in time bro. My machine stuck me here.
Well get back in your tardis and leave me then. I like it here. ;)