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it is a cold wind to leave you

it is a cold wind to leave you
but I cannot whisper anymore "I love yous"
there is no tropical breeze when I look at your skin
the white sand where we danced barefoot has become polluted
I must go back to her garden
where the scent of her hair is like wet strawberries in the morning

5 Mar 10

Rated 10 (9) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (2): 8, 8, 10, 10

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I like this, but the title and line 1 do not seem to flow with the rest of the piece.

If you made line 2 the first line and omitted the "but" at the beginning", t would make a more coherent piece, it seems.  And then add a revamped title??

I am guessing the title and line 1 are important to you personally, but they do not seem to add to this piece which I otherwise find charming.....
 — Tandisol

*tropical breeze* ..wow i wonder how it truely feels when it slights blows on my skin? lol

i like your piece!

just one question, how does the wet strawberries in the morning smell like??
 — liveon_on

I love yous looks so odd.
should I stick your nose in a pot of jam?
 — unknown

cool poem
 — lucion

 — unknown

One of the best
 — unknown

yes, this is amazeballs.
 — mandolyn

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