poetry critical

online poetry workshop



holy god
DeformedLion

holy
 1
god.
 2
 
 
not so not so
 3
yoda, monochrome
 4
 
 
...peach-pink pussy
 5
...beach lit cig
 6
...one eye wandering.
 7
 
 
i know where these thoughts collect
 8
in trashpile; outerspace.
 9
 
 
re-emerging like eggs and
 10
honey flavoured yolks,
 11
like crystal shimmering
 12
from the brook.
 13
or pages sliding by the
 14
thumb, smudged by smell
 15
and dust.
 16
 
 
         it points to
 17
you
 18
           the umbrella
 19
flaring  
 20
           out- the sun.
 21
and every lonely jesus
 22
sitting in one-man heaven
 23
thinks eternity to be
 24
but the suckled teat.
 25
Oh purgatory!
 26
 
 
And God has left us, He the mighty
 27
gone to visit nether realms
 28
and star-fuck some other sonless deity.
 29
We the human race, oh poor we.
 30
Left to but the hands--
 31
crimson stained, and cupping
 32
water like it was the face of
 33
our dreamt of sin. Ours, poor us
 34
 
 
left to take responsibilty.
 35
Man, what a drag.
 36

.
26. mar. 08

17 Mar 10

Rated 7 (7.8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 7
Inactive (7): 1, 1, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(368 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

L6 almost reads 'beach clit' haha.

L29 'deity'  (pluralizing this word makes it ugli-- can you say 'another star-crossed deity'
instead?

poor we, is great.  nice finish, made me laugh.
hate crimson stained but that his obvious.

nice old pomme.
 — jenakajoffer

Whoa. I do not like this. I do not like this at all. It saddens me, upsets me....just being honest.
To say such words- wow. I do not even find humor in God being bashed. For it is Him we have to stand before someday. (I believe we do)

I could of said nothing- I normall do- just walked past poems like this. But this one really says "WHOA"
 — mandolyn

(normallY)
 — mandolyn

hey, mandolyn, strangely enough it was you who made me want to post this.
 — DeformedLion

mandolyn is the type of hand wringing bible bashing damp rag that confirms to me that christianity has got it all wrong.

good poem, for all the right reasons. except the part about there being a god.
 — unknown

Deformed, why?
This only makes me care about you. Seriously. It does not make me mad at you in the least. My heart goes out to you. You can speak to me anytime if there is really an issue here. I don't want to make you hate me.
 — mandolyn

sweet intoxicating reveries
 — unknown

Abstinence makes the Church grow fondlers.
 — unknown

Absinthe makes the crotch grow fonder.
 — unknown

had not read this before, df - nicely carved and you've pushed the envelope of the angst ridden doubt-based phenomenon we all call the postmodernist era -- you've created your own language bursting at the edges of space where a constant-creative destruction puts us all in place --

this is topical and pushes the conceit, that being bent and fractured is part way to complete and is a poetic reverie built from the fallen walls of romanticism and failed fundamentalist religions; the crumbled barren wastelands where all that is left is to dare and grow a pair!

Deism: plasticity is the height of our evolutionary reach which our brains do when they're not faulted by the fixated patterns society does preach  

-- mold yourself and rise-up from the slime, the God you thought was dead, has been living as you all this time ...
 — AlchemiA

exactly
 — DeformedLion

why the hell haven't you fixed your typo.
deity. deities.
it looks like diet and that is just stupid.

hi =-)
 — jenakajoffer

had to change that whole part...better now?
 — DeformedLion

i want dieties back
 — DeformedLion

you still spelled it wrong, jeeeeeeeez.
 — jenakajoffer

http://www.cdfpr s.fr  maillot bayern 2018
http://www.m inihummer.fr  maillot de foot pas cher
http://www .crl-bretagne.fr  maillot pas cher
http ://www.chalet-des-mousses.fr  maillot psg pas cher
http://ww w.tsafermetures.fr  maillot de foot psg
http://www.k ellygreen.fr  maillot de foot pas cher 2018
http://www.ov erquick.fr  maillot foot pas cher
h ttp://www.pressing-de-la-comete.fr  maillot atletico madrid 2018
http://www.internationalartconsultants.fr  maillot griezmann
htt p://www.aubergebourbonnaise.fr  maillot neymar psg
h ttp://www.paschermaillotsdefoot.fr  maillot de foot enfant
http://www .tangocharlie.fr  maillot foot enfant
https://www.ae difis.fr  maillot paris 2018
http://www.cdrp8 3.fr  maillot de foot pas cher
http://www. uscompiegne.fr  Maillot Foot Pas Cher
 — unknown

0.353s