poetry critical

online poetry workshop



play dough or doughn't:
fractalcore

who inverted the donut?
 1
 
 
 
 
i. yin-yen
 2
 
 
oh, lookie: it's a big loopie!
 3
 
 
where the start meets the end,
 4
the 'tongue-in-buttcheek' is.
 5
 
 
it's the bitter truth, which, they
 6
say, exists in triads.
 7
 
 
butt, the kripple not only has a
 8
turd leg; he wags forth the fourth
 9
from way up north to down south
 10
like the solstices we know about.
 11
 
 
 
 
ii. young-yang
 12
 
 
apple's Oz oozes
 13
with excuses for
 14
the slice of the pork
 15
 
 
which made
 16
adam-in-eve-in-eden
 17
look like zoo's a place
 18
where zeus plays
 19
 
 
monkee doG bees-nest.
 20
 
 
 
 
iii. tri-neither-pod
 21
 
 
like piss instead of hydrochloric
 22
acid in a very peaceful snakebite
 23
religion community.
 24
 
 
like tents instead of brick houses
 25
in an adams family sort of resort
 26
on a very fart crampson sonny day.
 27
 
 
anyway,
 28
either way,
 29
however,
 30
hey...
 31
 
 
keep away
 32
 
 
from doGs.
 33
 
 
 
 
iv: 'in vivo'
 34
 
 
in vitriol,
 35
virulent, the violence
 36
of the infamous
 37
quark --
 38
 
 
succulent heroine,
 39
break the leaking
 40
juice of the jaws
 41
 
 
in shrubs:
 42
nostalgic green
 43
in quirky spirals,
 44
learning curves
 45
from a distant
 46
burp:
 47
 
 
eternity is so beautiful it sucks!
 48
 
 
common turf, it lurks
 49
frozen: a shadow
 50
of the moment
 51
of the aye.vow.in.the...
 52
now.that.eye.know --
 53
 
 
limbs stretch like
 54
quantum waves
 55
never knowing a-due.
 56



probably when you're relieved of your psycho-emotional discomfort after writing the words down and reading them...

when [almost] all of your momentary affliction has been handed over to the words you wrote and then, now, the words are on their own with your psycho-emotional baggage to carry and deal with.

quite unfair on their part but you just can't live with your misery for the rest of your life.

the poem is a poor stress-ball-sponge that can never relieve itself of the poet's cancerous piss -- it is finished and doomed at that point but never dies [healthy].

[thanks to bmikebauer for his thread here:
http://poetrycritical.net/forum/read/217701/1/]



part i written 3/3/10
http://poetrycritical.net/forum/read/217780/5/

thanks to Solstice for the exchange of words;
and R_Reid_Welch for the the thread and poem.



part ii written 3/3/10
http://poetrycritical.net/forum/read/217884/4/

thanks to jenakajoffer and rubber mandolyn for the push.



part iii written 3/3/10
http://poetrycritical.net/forum/read/217884/3/

thanks for the push, unk; and Solstice for the thread and push, too.



part iv written 3/18/10
aka 'hero-wins my heart'

http://en.tackfilm.se/?id=1268816690952RA86

for Diana Jiganie, my nisetru,
bestest friend and soulmate,
with all the love in the world.

---{@



      ____
     __/__
       /\
     /   \
fractalcore
     : )

18 Mar 10

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Comments:

monkee dogs bees nest! Yay!
And turd leg- HAHA!
Great one Fracky~
:)
 — mandolyn

tanks, rubber mandy.

what do you think of part iv?

: )
 — fractalcore

boompfh.

: )
 — fractalcore

again,

boompfh.
: )
 — fractalcore

: )
 — fractalcore

;) no comprendo mucho
 — unknown

me neither,
but thanks
for reading.

; )
 — fractalcore

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