poetry critical

online poetry workshop

play dough or doughn't:

who inverted the donut?
i. yin-yen
oh, lookie: it's a big loopie!
where the start meets the end,
the 'tongue-in-buttcheek' is.
it's the bitter truth, which, they
say, exists in triads.
butt, the kripple not only has a
turd leg; he wags forth the fourth
from way up north to down south
like the solstices we know about.
ii. young-yang
apple's Oz oozes
with excuses for
the slice of the pork
which made
look like zoo's a place
where zeus plays
monkee doG bees-nest.
iii. tri-neither-pod
like piss instead of hydrochloric
acid in a very peaceful snakebite
religion community.
like tents instead of brick houses
in an adams family sort of resort
on a very fart crampson sonny day.
either way,
keep away
from doGs.
iv: 'in vivo'
in vitriol,
virulent, the violence
of the infamous
quark --
succulent heroine,
break the leaking
juice of the jaws
in shrubs:
nostalgic green
in quirky spirals,
learning curves
from a distant
eternity is so beautiful it sucks!
common turf, it lurks
frozen: a shadow
of the moment
of the aye.vow.in.the...
now.that.eye.know --
limbs stretch like
quantum waves
never knowing a-due.

probably when you're relieved of your psycho-emotional discomfort after writing the words down and reading them...

when [almost] all of your momentary affliction has been handed over to the words you wrote and then, now, the words are on their own with your psycho-emotional baggage to carry and deal with.

quite unfair on their part but you just can't live with your misery for the rest of your life.

the poem is a poor stress-ball-sponge that can never relieve itself of the poet's cancerous piss -- it is finished and doomed at that point but never dies [healthy].

[thanks to bmikebauer for his thread here:

part i written 3/3/10

thanks to Solstice for the exchange of words;
and R_Reid_Welch for the the thread and poem.

part ii written 3/3/10

thanks to jenakajoffer and rubber mandolyn for the push.

part iii written 3/3/10

thanks for the push, unk; and Solstice for the thread and push, too.

part iv written 3/18/10
aka 'hero-wins my heart'


for Diana Jiganie, my nisetru,
bestest friend and soulmate,
with all the love in the world.


     /   \
     : )

18 Mar 10

Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (0): 10

(define the words in this poem)
(205 more poems by this author)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


monkee dogs bees nest! Yay!
And turd leg- HAHA!
Great one Fracky~
 — mandolyn

tanks, rubber mandy.

what do you think of part iv?

: )
 — fractalcore


: )
 — fractalcore


: )
 — fractalcore

: )
 — fractalcore

;) no comprendo mucho
 — unknown

me neither,
but thanks
for reading.

; )
 — fractalcore