Comments:
it's tongue-ticklish at least
— aurelius
as long as it tickled something, i'm happy.
— jenakajoffer
oh it's jen, you crazy beeeiiiitch
— aurelius
ohhhh yeah....;)
we be sessy tonight yeah, so is that other dude, coming in the park. ew. ew.
— jenakajoffer
don't know...brushes over things and then remains inside you like...ejaculate, i s'pose. the animals know their place though, that is something.
— DeformedLion
your (hee hee) much too nice to me.
— DeformedLion
splatter-pussy and dart-mouth come together... asses to ashes, lust to dust, coming then going as we must
— AlchemiA
doesn't make a lot of sense, pretty gross imagery.
— unknown
Oooh love it! Very fun. Nice work.
— ishtarboy300
this is terrible
i was surprised
— unknown
What happens when Lewis Carroll finds his way into an internet porn site. Bravo.
— PaleHorse
the 'at' in 7 arches this into looking at the poet, when i want to stay inside the poet's head. the harmonic off of the 'at' in 12 might be a structuring feeling, but i don't think this needs that kind of external bracing, unless you're changing your voice now, becoming introspective, and this is the first day of the rest of your poetry?
— bmikebauer
i am just nice, linus, not too.
thanks alch, unk, ishtar.
pH, i had to laugh at that comment, seeing how i just saw alice. thanks :)
mike, i like that thought. thanks, i deleted both 'at's.
changing my voice? explain that idea.
— jenakajoffer
you got one of those kippers 'n sex things going on here, hmm?
my favourite kind
— stout
I like your poem but would like it better if you omitted 'lick and' from line 6. A slight bump from an otherwise nice read.
— JKWeb
nah, keep lick. the bump is good. and god.
— DeformedLion
kippers n sex, nothing better!
haha, thanks :)
jk, i simply must lick and spittle. thanks for the suggestion, i really do see the smooth you're referring to, but i want hiccup. :)
linus, hehe, the bump is god. i like that.
— jenakajoffer
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