poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Love, Limbs

swims and breathes
in pale lambency
through gill-like
grow bone-white
by moonlight
for the roots
to play

18 May 10

Rated 9 (7.9) by 4 users.
Active (4): 7, 9, 9, 9
Inactive (36): 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 2, 3, 3, 5, 6, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(4 users consider this poem a favorite)

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this made me smile. it's really kind of sweet writing, hopping up and down like a lamb in spring. the cosmetic notion of things representing truth, is a little bit obvious now, the symbolic, and yet this one stops before it gets preachy. the image is nice in itself, though it's like beautiful perfume bottles on a white commode, with small colors glinting off delicate things. but, it's not a diamond, you know... there's no internal thing in this which is about to burst open and show us why perfume smells like rat. the image of roots and bone aren't rat, they're vermeer, and, that's pretty nice.
 — bmikebauer

limbic-lobe-love arcs toward the ambiguous to frisson in the body-brain ... this is dextrous and sinister, ambi-limbic-lobes reflecting each other - symbolically the mammalian-brain remembers these moves which tessellate in waves on a moon-lit night - yet, softly softly pale bones engorge de-light

made me simile-smile
 — AlchemiA

WHOA bauer liked this????

It is very good. I like the words n stuff.
 — mandolyn

Wow :XD
 — psychofemale

I love it.
 — unknown

 — unknown

 — waqas

Lovely! I've read this five times now. It's very entertaining. I like the shortness of it - I agree with Mike that, given more time to unfold, the reader might be exposed to the thinness of the message. But, like a quickie, it has great value in moderation.
 — ishtarboy300

Ok, you sent me to the dictionary with "lambency". Perfect wordage and seems to fit well with Love. I think this is what gives this poem great imagery and feeling. Excellent write, thank you.
 — JohnW

Fun =]
 — Callisto

Lovely, for sure.
 — unknown

Nice brief poem writ well but maybe omit 'the' from line 9.  Besides that, many accolades.
 — JKWeb

'for the roots to play with' is there, dryden, for the sound of the line. nobody writes a poem for logical analysis of events -- a poem IS an event.

read the poem out-loud or be trailer-trash.
 — bmikebauer

 — AlchemiA

: )
 — fractalcore

 — unknown

Thank you much.

 — unknown

This is really cool :D
 — RueUrsula

Oh. Transparency! I always imagine a perfect poem on a wall of a subway. One that would make a difference to the thought pattern for a passenger. This would be one of them. Though very carnal in terminlogy, it handshakes the passers-by.

Well done. And I don't know anybody who ended a poem with a preposition that worked!
 — unknown

it's a post-position. english doesn't have the sound-ending because there's no post-position in latin, and the grammarians tried to make english fit a latin model so they could translate the bible into english. sanskrit has a post-position, though, and that's the same I.E. pattern we're following in our pre-roman down home talk.
 — bmikebauer

Omg i smiled, go you!!!
 — Memo213

nice poem. maybe could do without 'the' in line 9.
 — hank

: )
 — bondco

Good poem.
 — unknown

 — mandolyn

Accolades.  This is perfect.
 — unknown

a bit hollow, but i like it. but who am to say.
 — unknown

 — unknown

This is gold.
 — Empty

Love the second stanza which expresses so much so deftly and with much style
 — larrylark

Love it.
 — unknown

Yes, something about this second stanza ... very moving.
 — unknown

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 — unknown

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 — unknown

loved this.
 — dismantleme

feelin' it merrily along
 — AlchemiA

yeah, this is really good. you got a positive review from bmikebauer. that's admirable :)
 — RueUrsula

quite beautiful.
 — unknown

Is this poem really top rated, honestly i can't see why!
 — Hulda

Hulda, read 6-11 again. Slowly. That is poetry in a nutshell. Let your subconscious tell you why. Don't think about it, just read it a few times and savor it like food.
 — unknown

I will have to agree with Hulda on this one, it is not bad but it is far from being the quality deserving to be top rated! ;) (..)
 — unknown

unknown, what do you want? why can't you read this as poetry, when you want all your stuff read that carefully?

hulda is playing 'write in english', and she doesn't care about our need to invent a poetry in english. what are you agree with, then? that you're not able to read this as a poem, or that you don't think it should have a top rated, when yours is so much more realistic?
 — bmikebauer

 — unknown

more sneering from Mikey - makes the comments spikey
 — unknown

 — unknown

I like this one. Took me a moment to understand the concept but very good:)
 — Bookworm

love those limbs, bone-white
 — ghost