|if there's any irony to be culled at this point in the narrative
it's that here
thirty-two years old
like a union pipe fitter
clothes from goodwill
a dented up
i did at twenty-two
when i had
of a gymnast
a shiny black
and a closet
25 May 10
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Interesting one. I like it a lot though
Lose the word "up" in line 7.
It's a decent slice of life, but I wonder what else is different twixt 22 and 32: I'd think it was maturity over the perception of style, but lines 9-10 put maturity in doubt.
if this was a photo in black and white, my teacher -- tom knight -- would have said that it was very well seen. three's detail but it's not over done, and the photo stops at the edges and doesn't make me want to tilt it to see the rest of it. nicely worded, compact but the sounds you use stand in for textures and smells -- synesthetic write, and difficult to do.
glancing at the comments, not understanding why the 'up' has to be in line 7 is to read a poem like a newspaper article. finding the pulse in a poem is part of the reading part.
i'll have to learn to write like this,
but that means i'll have to discard
this is trash in gold dust.
design & code copyright donald tetto
. all poems copyright their original authors.