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Anfractuous Arrhythmia
sybarite

Should have left you, there
 1
in the fire with your guitar,
 2
your music, acquiesced in your cups
 3
of constant sorrow.
 4
 
 
But solitude is quixotic,
 5
and memory's strong arms
 6
cull sweet spots from chaff.
 7
 
 
I lay in this bed, my own making,
 8
sad songs on endless playback.
 9
The lyrics to break your heart, already written.
 10
When I find them, ironic absolution
 11
to blame it on the music.
 12

20 Jun 10

Rated 9.5 (9) by 2 users.
Active (2): 9, 10
Inactive (5): 8, 8, 9, 9, 10

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Comments:

Very nice poem. Great imagery and feeling and well worded.
 — JohnW

Intriguing poem, cool title.  Maybe consider changing 'music' to 'song' in line 13?  Just a thought/suggestion.  Though overall, melikes.
 — JKWeb

good one!  
 — Tandisol

HOLY POOP! WOWOWOWOWOW!!! I love his. So true. Felt it through my skin and bones!!!
 — psychofemale

S1 is stout, has authority, good sonics and rhythm, clearly crafted. The following strophes, not so much.

Don't understand the application of a semi-colon in either instance, maybe you're trying something new for a pause.

L11 posits an interesting thought.

Will have too google "anfractuous."
 — NicMichaels

Thanks for the feedback and comments--much appreciated.
Psychofemale--appreciate the fave--thank you!
 — sybarite

good job.
; )
 — fractalcore

Thanks for the feedback and fave, Frac--gratitude.
 — sybarite

I'm considering changing the second stanza to:

But memories are quixotic
and solitude churns.
Long arms draw sweet spots
in the chaff.


Yes, no?
 — sybarite

Sybarite: It's rare for me to read through the comments before offering one of my own, but I've done so, and now I find myself wondering at your own passion.

In an apparent need to please NicMichaels, you've offered to bastardize your own second verse without giving your own thoughts enough credit: Which is it that's quixotic - memories or solitude?

Your offer to make such a dramatic change without any justification beyond NM's critique is baffling. I agree that the second verse is wordy and needs to be trimmed. But to change the core of thought ...

No. Saying what you mean is important. But meaning what you say is critical.
 — DianaTrees

Diana--thank you for the thoughtful and thought provoking critique.
The passion, I have, the confidence in my writing, not so much.
It was the solitude that was quixotic.
Your words were eye-opening--gratitude.
 — sybarite

But solitude is quixotic,
and memory's strong arms
cull sweet spots from chaff.
 — DianaTrees

I fail to see how asking about the unusual applicaton of a semi colon in an earlier draft is telling the poet to change her core of thought. On the contrary: I offered that Syb might be trying out something new, whereas DTrees uses the phrase "need" to do this or that, and speculates at the poet's sincerity. Go figure.

Sybarite must please herself; I'm here to read, give feedback from my chair, and that is all. Please don't put words in my mouth.
 — NicMichaels

BTW I did google "anfractuous."
 — NicMichaels

Great word isn't it?
Anfractuous was a bit of a serendipitous find, I keep an online dictionary page open all the time and it always has a "word of the day."  The day I wrote this, that was the day's word.  My original title was quickly discarded!
 — sybarite

Diana--I was working on changes to the second stanza when you posted your suggestion for it--the changes I had come up with were almost identical but yours is a bit tidier so I am going to use it--thank you.
 — sybarite

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