poetry critical

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here's to you future
psychofemale

raise the chalice
 1
toast to the one
 2
who left you
 3
marooned
 4
 
 
where skeletons rest
 5
and ships have wrecked
 6
where the remnant rum
 7
tastes stronger
 8
than ever
 9
 
 
the jug
 10
half full
 11
but more potent
 12
than it could ever
 13
have been
 14
when
 15
it was
 16
 
 
crisp
 17
in the sun
 18
 
 
now washed onto the island
 19
with everything else
 20
long forgotten
 21
 
 
including me
 22
 
 
I hope your vessel crashes
 23
and a shark
 24
eats your intestines
 25
 
 
and you wash up one day
 26
only bones
 27

here's to your future......drink

21 Jul 10

Rated 9.7 (8) by 3 users.
Active (3): 9, 10, 10
Inactive (7): 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 10, 10

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Comments:

*applauds.

Cheers! ♥
 — mandolyn

wow psycho, didn't know this was yours. this is your best it. really.
 — mandolyn

^ omit 'it' in my previous statement.
 — mandolyn

Cool poem.  Maybe omit 'way' from line 11 ?  Also, better without lines 24-25 ?  Otherwise, melikes.  I'll toast to that...
 — JKWeb

wow guys thank you so much :D
 — psychofemale

Your favorite band sucks
 — Quen

um?
 — psychofemale

wtf are you talking about?
 — psychofemale

anyone else?
 — psychofemale

don't mind quen, he's a butt nugget. sincerely -mandee
:)
 — unknown

slade?
 — bmikebauer

whoa!
; )
 — fractalcore

thanks guys :)
 — psychofemale

are you captain jack sparrow?
 — unknown

hmm...wondering why this is top rated...
 — psychofemale

yes and no
 — 13fatstacks

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