poetry critical

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Sham Poo
larrylark

She insisted on perms,
 1
like giant tidal waves
 2
curving over her forehead.
 3
 
 
Brunette, set, tete et tete henna;
 4
Mr. George thinks himself gorgeous,
 5
smothered in tanning lotion.
 6
“I’m steady on the scissors dahling,
 7
Never a hair out of place,
 8
not even the wife's.” Wink wink.
 9
Some things  can be denied, in the blink of an eye.
 10
"He’s so luscious, capricious, so sarky." a bitch sighed.
 11
 
 
Bright red, Belisha Beacon of orange slashes,
 12
one simply has to stand out from the masses.
 13
He removes the fly from every ointment,
 14
lipstick and lashes, perms demented
 15
tinctures, ligatures, blow jobs, trims ‘tashes.
 16
 
 
He tries to recall all of those styles,
 17
heads he had turned, his important affairs.
 18
Locks he has chopped, fingers he burned.
 19
Time flew to the roots of his memory
 20
as he swept each hair to its place.
 21

20 Aug 10

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Comments:

great humour larry, i enjoyed this.  the title is titillating, fancy-free.

some minor things, i thought
you could do without 'on my life' in l8, seems a lot smoother if you omitted this.

i loved line 11, that was great, 'a bitch sighed' haha.

having 12-16 go into full-force rhyme kind of threw me, more importantly when reading 17-21 after as i was expecting to read in that rhythm.  i'm not extremely fond of the 'slashes/masses/ scheme, thought maybe slashes/sashes (for oh those flamboyant sylistos) ;)

nice poem and nice to read you again.
take care,
=-)
 — jenakajoffer

Thanks for the constructive comments jenaka. I'm off to the hairdresser to have my bald patch polished

Larry close shave Lark
 — larrylark

this is neat
 — psychofemale

Like my hair PF
 — larrylark

Makes me think. Thanks for writing.
 — spaye08

it was a snip

Larry cutting edge Lark
 — larrylark

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