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I, Dragon
JKWeb

the wind was ripe with death-
 1
ground filled with shadows
 2
 
 
I smiled at the thought
 3
of burning bones, spitting
 4
 
 
them out in the meadow.
 5
the air around me, hallowed-
 6
 
 
shallow graves littered
 7
the blood-rich soil
 8
 
 
 
 
I soared above
 9
like an ominous cloud
 10
drawn to the monarch's scorn
 11
 
 
his sword drawn,
 12
I swooped down and blew fire
 13
till flesh melted
 14
to the ground
 15
 
 
I flew away on imperial wings
 16
powdered the field
 17
with ashes of kings
 18

26 Aug 10

Rated 9.7 (9.9) by 5 users.
Active (5): 7, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (4): 9, 10, 10, 10, 10

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(142 more poems by this author)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

Yes.
 — mandolyn

and i? i fukin fell alseep haffway thru this. sorry. im a bitch. and my name aint meredith.
 — unknown

very readable
 — manuka

I can see the action in my head and smell a bit of brimstone.  Imperial wings is good, it sounds like a huge bird in flight.
 — Isabelle5

thanks everyone
 — unknown

Rad poem
 — unknown

appreciate it
 — unknown

WOW @ 4 and 5.  Fantastic poem as a whole.  Only possible crit MIGHT be the use of imperial in 15.  Only thing that felt a bit pretentious, but may have been the way I was reading it.  Kudos.
 — Haxxen

hey thanks Haxxen.  I had 'wounded' there on 15 but wasn't completely happy with it.  I thought 'imperial' would be a better fit with the king/dragon theme.  I will give it some more thought though.  I appreciate it..
 — JKWeb

Imperial is DEFINATELY better than wounded.
 — Haxxen

you're right Haxxen.  köszönöm for making this a fave.
 — JKWeb

The view's not lofty--more like how the dragon thinks he is seen from below. I want to see this from above--riding on his back.

Your creativity here seems to be expended in adjectives. Consider putting more into your verbs: you've opened with the passive "was" and used "I flew" twice.

Without a meaningful and readily available metaphor, this seems like ekphrasis on a comic book. I often see metaphor even when none is intended, but I can't get focused enough to see one here.
 — A

Thanks A-
I see what you mean for the most part.  Do you think this might read better in 3rd person?  Also, I can see where you may not see metaphor as there is none really.  It's more speculative.  I did change line 9?  Better?  Thanks again.
 — JKWeb

he as opposed to I ?
 — JKWeb

L16 I prefer "imperious" to imperial wings and I wouldn't have used "his" three times in such close succession between L11 & 14 - but this is still one gutsy write.
Best ~ Abra
 — unknown

many thanks Abra for reading and insight.  I like 'imperious' too but it would change the meaning of that line.  I'll give it some more thought.  not sure what to do about the 'his' sitch but I do see what you mean...gracias
 — JKWeb

few changes.
 — JKWeb

nice poem

maybe ditch the second 'the' in L2

L5, perhaps just 'spitting them in the meadow'
L6 is just off a titch, not sure if it's just wordy (maybe it's mentioning 'air' again)?

cool last strophe, I like that.  I am not partial to 'away' as fly away is fairy-ish,
I flew on imperial wings, would rock.  just my opinion.

nicely done.  and great title too.
 — Estella

thankx for checking this out Estella.  made a few changes.  Got to keep 'out' in line 5 though.  Will have to give 'away' in 16 some more thought too.
 — JKWeb

rawr
 — Rss233

Rss-
rawr as in roar?
 — JKWeb

s'more edits.
 — JKWeb

webby, epic and dark and lofty you are
 — antipoetry

thanks for looking AP.  melikes your adjectives.
 — JKWeb

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