poetry critical

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Where Time Saves What it Steals
Isabelle5

Blink and years have passed,
 1
the children with children,
 2
the hair that was so black
 3
is threaded with silver.
 4
 
 
The body that once leaped
 5
to high jump and hurdle
 6
high school fame rebels
 7
at the most inconvenient times.
 8
 
 
I feel happiest clothed and in shadow;
 9
I used to throw off my towel
 10
and leap into the pool.
 11
 
 
Are there moments saved
 12
like childhood memories,
 13
is Time a father who cherishes
 14
or a tyrant who laughs at our pain?
 15
 
 
I want my years returned,
 16
pink and unscarred
 17
with an energy surge
 18
 
 
and a high jump I know
 19
I can leap over,
 20
if I feel the urge.
 21

1 Sep 10

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Comments:

I really like this. I want to say that the first stanza sounds cliche, but it doesn't. You made it work. The last two stanzas are my favorite. They're definately the heart of the poem.
 — whiteheat

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