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A Short Note

I’ll not give you the dates
As I simply can’t recall,
Those facts I wish to omit
And the things
I never should've said at all
Know that,
I want him more than I could say
Daring with writ,
The alibi windfall
To the crime uncommit
The act,
I never should've felt
At all
Lyrical lines,
From an abysmal-

5 Sep 10

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I like your poem

got a bit thrown by 'him' in line 7, thought it should be 'you', however I concluded that you are speaking of someone else.

might go with 'should've' for L5/12

nice ending to the piece,
 — Estella

I plan to use this as the intro to a book of my poems
a great bulk of my work revolves around 'him' and for this Im speaking to the reader, a justification -haha yes, I guess I am that vain

And thank you, Im going to use that suggestion x3
 — Stinetuck

jeeps, nice lyric words, very sharp! very good read.

gosh... ! good writing.
 — bmikebauer

re-reading this, i'm trying to find a music for it in my head, and there's nothing simple that it falls into. i just finished listening to strauss' four last songs, with the hesse and eichendorff lyrics, and this is much more complicated writing than theirs and yet does sound like a pre-modern music, like r. strauss'... but, what music do you hear it in?

i think i'll have to compose some music for this.
 — bmikebauer

well, here you've been all this time, and most of the time i've ignored your writing because it was so idiosyncratic and sometimes chaotic, but here you are now, and the last few pieces you've posted have knocked me out... i'm impressed and embarrassed to be posting lyrical writing next to yours. there's something very fine about you as a person and writer.
 — bmikebauer

Mike, you're just embarrassing. The lies you tell and the sycophancy you decant is quite nauseating :)
 — jharrison

if the voice changes to another audience in L6 then it almost seems you'd want to italicize the first stanza...for you book anyway?  btw line 7 'than'
 — Estella

You have a sharp eye, Estella ;)
 — jharrison

not necessarily in modern poetry. i do this, too, in 'i'm tired and i want'... where you expect the reader to be reading so deeply in a poetry mood that they catch the subtle changes. imagine, in b's 'moonlight', if, in the second theme he'd switched to kazoo so that you know he was introspecting...? in music, it's maybe easier to follow feelings becoming emotions.
 — bmikebauer

Thank you Mike, Im glad that you can enjoy some of my chaos, even if only the tempered pieces -not as much of an insult as it sounds ^^
As to the music I'm sure at one point I did, but this is a rather old one that I dug up and now I can't remember. Feel free to write the music, I haven't worked an instrument in some time
Were I too compose though, I think you would loose interest. I would use the Erhu, piano similer to the three note cycle in Moonlight Sonata and a two note bass to emphasis the 'all's. dropping the piano at L14 and having the bass emphasis the to-hell-with-all
And yes, I think most people are able to empathize with music easier, we hear much more then we read in our day its a near unavoidable fact. That sense will always be sharper to such changes as we depend on it more -assuming the obvious

Estella; my apologies, I miscommunicated. The piece speaks to the audience, the reader, the whole way through. L6, L7 is the keystone, remarking on the thing that tyed together most of my pieces. L8-13 is a confession, but the point of it is too be unclear, misleading, but all the time, talking to the reader, not the mentioned him.
-and thank you very much for the L7 notice, Im hopeless with grammar and spelling ><

Heehee, she does x3
 — Stinetuck

; )
 — fractalcore