|Flower and Bee // Impressions
Flower and Bee
The flower quivers
as the bee savors its taste
Flower and bee one
Imprints on sandscapes
swept away by time
Some misc. thoughts re: Haiku.
On one site they felt that lower case haiku looks simple and uncomplicated, gentle and humble. Others feel a capitalized word is the beginning of a sentence and yet, a good haiku is never a sentence but a fragment of a sentence and along with a phrase. Thus, you will find that those who do use periods do so mostly to make their caps "feel right." Others, seeing this problem will use the leading cap, but then omit the period at the end.
For the author of that article, the period is a strong signal of "this is the end" and he felt the mind is conditioned to close down the thought at this point. For haiku this is completely the opposite action that is needed. At the end of the last word of a haiku is when the whole poem begins - when the reader starts to imagine, to make connections and leaps with heart and mind instead of eyes.
17 Sep 10
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i prefer 'flower and bee' to 'impressions'
for the sonics in it. 'impressionistic' is too
long an adjective which holds not enough
substance, and thus -- to my mind -- is a
waste of a few beats/syllables.
i'd write 'impressions fleeting, echoes' in lieu
of that line, but then you have this aversion to
punctuation, so your original line perfectly
works with respect to the conventions you
thanks for the double treat.
or, you can put the comma between 'impressions' and
'fleeting' in my suggested line.
not crazy about haiku but these are two of the better ones I've seen. especially "flower and bee". clever
Thanks Fractalcore ~ appreciate your take on that 2nd line, still attached to my first one ;)
JKWeb, I am pleased you like them, despite not being fond of Haiku. First time to expose my poetry in a site such as this and really enjoy scanning through others poetry, so much creativity to savor.
it's still good as it is, linda.
Not crazy about haiku, first one is good but of little depth, second one feels like theres a bit too much of the word impression.
Still good writes and reader friendly.
tnx for those thoughts & poems :)
I found your misc. thoughts re haiku very interesting for what it lacked. Probably the most important aspect of traditional haiku is that they are to capture a moment as it happens. There's no poetic device, really--no simile or intentionally inserted metaphor, nor is there a title.
And I'd quibble with the statement that "good haiku is never a sentence..." They are meant to be read in a single breath, and that certainly does not preclude a sentence--even two or three sentences.
The flower quivers [this is the only line here that works as haiku]
as the bee savors its taste [Savors? Really? Is that what you truly observed?]
Flower and bee one [Here you are romanticizing what you see--in haiku, that's the reader's job, not the poet's (as indicated in your note).]
I won't give the same treatment to the second, but it's even worse--as haiku.
@A ~ thanks for your thoughts. I evidently have not truly studied Haiku and your words were helpful in how I may look at new ones that I compose in the future. I too don't feel that I write true Haiku. Or perhaps on a sporadic level. I've been putting off taking the time to really study it. For the last couple years something strikes me and I'm inspired to do a 5-7-5 with it. Glad my friend motivated to use this site as a venue to share so I can receive critiques such as yours.