poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Gbye. c u soon
opal

4 L

Jst a txt 2 c u on ur way -
 1
but u know what I’m like
 2
with txt spk, b4 u know it,
 3
the letters start
 4
to take on their own life
 5
& write themselves in full, anyhow,
 6
these words are writ to wish u well,
 7
remind u there are things
 8
I cannot say
 9
out loud
 10
becus they make me cry & that
 11
will never do
 12
on such a happy day.
 13
 
 
Remember the first time you went
 14
2 school – we didn’t like the place
 15
at all
 16
So I brought u home –
 17
we held hands all the way
 18
and ate ur first packed lunch
 19
2gether while we watched tv.
 20
Of course u went again;
 21
things even turned out well
 22
so what I really want to say
 23
is
 24
if u hate it,
 25
if the rooms all seem 2 big,
 26
if the books all look 2 hard
 27
& the other kids 2 smart
 28
then txt me
 29
and like that day
 30
when u were only small,
 31
I’ll bring packed lunch
 32
& hold ur hand,
 33
we can even watch tv.
 34
& in the end
 35
u’ll go back and make it work
 36
because that’s the man
 37
you’ve grown to be.
 38
 
 
Believe u me, I know.
 39
 
 
Luv mum.
 40

19 Sep 10

Rated 10 (8.7) by 2 users.
Active (2): 9, 10
Inactive (18): 4, 4, 5, 5, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(115 more poems by this author)

(11 users consider this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

cheeky, you, Opal.
Opal, the eloquent exposing banal horror.

You are sublime.
 — unknown

this needs to be done, though, since 'texting' is a modern form of writing... just as Elizabethan english was a modern form of middle-english and full of abbreviated phrases and over-written idioms -- re-written for the modern 16th century ear.

i think, though, that the actual poetry of nokia will look different from this, when all is writ and done.  
 — bmikebauer

thank u mightily both.

To the first anon. commentator you are a nonpareil among poetry critics

& mike

I've seen some excellent poetry written in text and I don't think this touches that at all but it is sincerely meant.
 — opal

'sincerity' is what we live off of, but writing is what do so that we become someone with an identity, so that we don't have to spend sincerity on snacks. this reads like you're about 2 inches tall.
 — bmikebauer

i think there was once an inch-man or a mr. inch.
i wonder if he could write anything like this at all.
i guess i'll have to say goodbye to mr inch-man, hehe.
yes, you sound very young and sincere here, opal.

thot d 'L' der ment 'Larry'.
i bet he's taller dn u by 2 inches.

; )
 — fractalcore

thanks mr. b. I've made my shoebox quite comfortable really - the thing that takes up a lot of the room tho is this bloomin giant size cell phone as I believe you - our American cousins- refer to the contraptions.
 — opal

Marvellous evocation of a mothers love for her son. I notice mb only seems to appear when a bit of good arrives on the board. He's regular as a  clock or the daily habit of a garden gnome.
 — unknown

i was actually, opal, responding to the voice in this -- the one underneath the figures on the frosted window. there's so much reticence in this, talking to this person, that it reads like you're intimidated. and, perhaps that's the engine of inspiration for this one. if it is, then the real poem of style will come next.
 — bmikebauer

i hope you understand that what i write on a poem here in p.c. is 'among family'... poet to poet. i'd still send this one out to someone for consideration, though i wouldn't publish it myself. that's not a bad thing to say, since it means, to me, that this is workable on some poetry level as it is.

writing a poem is like making up your own jokes. if you hear how the joke is going to go over in a crowd, you write better jokes. if you're in love with your own humor and voice, it's hit-or-miss.
 — bmikebauer

hahaha!  Love Mum caught me way by surprise!  I don't speak tx, I can't even get my cell phone to work yet and I've had it since last Christmas!  

This is so modern, so fun, so tongue in cheek, I love it.
 — Isabelle5

I read it again and got teary eyed.  It's HARD to let our little ones go.  The day my baby girl moved to Washington, I cried in the parking lot for 2 hours.
 — Isabelle5

I think this is wonderful.
 — Quen

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.  U tryin' 2 make us emotional kinds o'brothas cry or WHAT?  This is beauteous!  OMG...made me think of the first time I left home and MY mother.  I only moved 6 miles away and it wuzz the saddest day of my life.  I love the employment of the "texting" language that's throughout this.  It's original and current. :-)
 — starr

Opal!  xo!
 — starr

what a beautiful sentiment, so heartfelt and honest.  i don't want to be saying this to mine anytime soon, and the thought makes me want to cry a little, but i know that a big lot of kids sure make a heart big and burst, oh how much we pride and love.

lovely poem =-)
 — Estella

Love this.
 — wendz

good stuff. fresh use of language. I like it.
 — RGJohnson

the acronyms, they burn!! but i think that's the point. anyway, its cute and sentimental :)
 — Rss233

I love it :)
 — esteedle

I'll have to come back later to fully comment on how wonderful I think this is.  For now I'll just say.....Gr8!
 — sherains

I don't do txt but I like irony and a little humour. Mitch :-)
 — pdemitchell

PS As a site-newbie - I noted a few few talentless e-snipers have commented. Sadly they infest so many sites. They're unfunny, charmless and truly pointless. Fkem. Mitch :-)
 — pdemitchell

I opened this fully expecting it to suck.
It doesn't.
It's beautiful.
 — aurelius

good one.
 — mould_jesus

Mods plz do sumthng bout ths bs
 — unknown

I'm not sure how the text speak is supposesd to fit in with the sentiment espoused. Also, I'd imagine any son would feel incredibly embarrased by this poem. Mostly, though, the txt speak interferes with the enjoyment of the poem.

In any case, I suppose the poem accomplishes what it sets out to do. Though I don't imagine it to be too interesting.
 — Barranto33

Trendy purses tiffany jewellery If you want to get these designer imitations, plenty of replica watches uk online shops accessible for clients to have different options. These trustworthy on the internet retailers do not only supply replica rolex fashion designer handbags to customers, but in addition supply other famous brands with appealing lower rates and excellent top quality tiffany co.
 — unknown

0.256s