poetry critical

online poetry workshop



all tumble
unknown

i wish the moon could hide the night  
 1
essential nocturnal light
 2
not afforded to us
 3
now we both sit  
 4
fence dwellers  
 5
spy-hole lockers
 6
 
 
one hand equals time  
 7
    
 8
we pain together  
 9
sometimes hurt alone,
 10
encompassed only  
 11
as two arms wrap  
 12
tightly to our hollow space  
 13
    
 14
i have the patches,  
 15
wanted to make a quilt, pull you under
 16
keep you safe  
 17
but all i could picture  
 18
was a triangle, an arrow  
 19
    
 20
so i started sewing
 21

19 Sep 10

Rated 9.5 (9.5) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (2): 9, 9, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)



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Comments:

excellent quentin tarantino.
 — mandolyn

pain together, I like that.
 — unknown

however i would take 'pull you under' from L16 and drop it down to L17 with "keep you safe" so it reads "pull you under, keep you safe"
 — mandolyn

BOO and YEAH!
 — unknown

This is for you x
 — Quen

we need to make another sail.
x
 — Estella

ah beautiful poem. love it. ED
 — unknown

omg estella is soooooo in love with you
 — unknown

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 — unknown

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