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left on the banks of rivers I can barely believe are moving
OCTOGENARIAN

dipped into silence
 1
no thoughts to cradle my throbbing mind
 2
 
 
she invited me here
 3
where firecrackers were supposed to spray
 4
in a night sky filled with treetops flapping their gold
 5
against a moon of a thousand wishes
 6
 
 
hellfire only launches itself across these stones,
 7
rocks I once leaned my weight against
 8
 
 
O God, open up my lost heart
 9
heart with flaming arrows flying towards it
 10
heart I never knew
 11

20 Sep 10

Rated 10 (8.5) by 1 users.
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Comments:

I think that if you kept verses 2 & 3, it would be fine.  The other verses seem to be extraneous.  
 — Isabelle5

i might move s1 to the position of s3. L3 makes a nice opening, and s1 makes more sense to me following L8, and it feels more like a finish than a starting stanza. compelling write overall, with engaging imagery, a lot of feeling. (nicmichaels)
 — unknown

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