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Persimmon Forecast
PaleHorse

Summer hangs heavy on me
 1
drips from the corners of my mouth
 2
like apricot nectar
 3
from a less than perfect kiss.
 4
 
 
In the distance I hear pheasants
 5
cooing their strumpets
 6
as I walk though the grove of birch
 7
and bite again into my fruit.
 8
 
 
Less sappy than before
 9
I recant the words of Wilson Rawls:
 10
"I've been out in storms like this
 11
before, all by myself."
 12
 
 
A line of river rock stacked
 13
like marshmallow boule
 14
directs me north; the wind
 15
like the strumpets, blows south.
 16
 
 
Grabbing myself by the collar
 17
I tug it snug against the
 18
sticky dewlap from my own undoing.
 19
Like before, all by myself.
 20
 
 
In the distance the
 21
strumpets cry.
 22

19 Oct 10

Rated 10 (10) by 2 users.
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Comments:

persimmons are bitter
 — unknown

but they keep the spiders asway
 — unknown

and the ghosts
 — unknown

unk1...they are, indeed.

unk2/3...I hadn't thought this a Bowie song... you two are quite intuitive.
 — PaleHorse

*strumpets. :)

the only suggestion i have is to make the last two lines into one line.
but then that could make it worse. i never know what to say. especially with poems i really like. i love 13-14. this poem is yummy.

;)
 — mandolyn

unk; ghosts haunt, thats what ghost do... DUH
you are wrong, ghosts have no tastebuds.
 — unknown

pale..mr.horse... bowie would bowie
 — unknown

unk; ghosts haunt, thats what ghost do... DUH
you are wrong, ghosts have no tastebuds.
— unknown

then why have I recently beheld such an overstuffed, fat-necked ghostess?
 — unknown

Persimmon, you outdid yourself :)
I am struck by your different language this time, can't really explain that, but it's an almost lonesome voice, completely contented.  Interesting to see some of the same words are used, that aren't of those initially selected (you'll see).  
Lines 9-16 are just lovely, you ended this so soundly.  Nice repetition as well,
Very nice!
 — Estella

perhaps your ghostess been eating too many persimmons and cream.
 — unknown

mandolyn, there you go with 'yummy' again. Line breaks are so subjective in today's poetry. Single or double, it prolly doesn't matter too much.

with all saints eve almost upon us, it's nice to see the ghosts haunting here.

Estella. the honor is all mine.
 — PaleHorse

tired OLDSHOE
 — unknown

very nice in L19
 — NicMichaels

Thank you nic
 — PaleHorse

13-16 still make me coo
=-)
 — jenakajoffer

yes, we should do this again. :)
 — PaleHorse

You know, I can't even remember the details...but how did I never tell you (or did I?) that this reminds me so of Where the Red Fern Grows? And I am a child again, except for the less than perfect kiss perhaps. Though how you wrote that first stanza makes me feel that there's no way that kiss couldn't be perfect. :)

Nice to retread this!
 — jenakajoffer

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