poetry critical

online poetry workshop

off-set head-split

stellar-wave fusion of music
in off-set head-split beats cringe
up my seat as my pupils swim back
in signs of defeat. the pressures
building in, bifocals fog with the pass
of stale wind skipping through the youth
disordered and disarrayed by the
lightning strikes that crumble
shackles and cuffs, keep me sane.
you pain others, while i appreciate
your chains keep me grounded
and planted in my own private plane
predestined to test the mere borders
of thought but never getting past the
confinements of my brain
off-set head-split splat
smack brain, compact,
sidewalk-step hunter's trap
bitch-smacked on smokers
patch ripped-stitch and switched
lick, decode message:
is it cryptic?

27 Oct 10

Rated 9 (9.5) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (1): 9, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(64 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


you are letting your freak flag fly ~
 — mandolyn

cool poem.  great rythym with the exception of line 12.  maybe omit 'that' from the mix and add a period?  nicelyrenderedotherwise.
 — JKWeb

I deleted that "that", thank you for the help!
 — cubbzor

Hi Cubbzor - I preferred the third stanza as I love quirky spliffy disjointed images, tempo and alliteration - even though it seemed out of step, structure and style with the first two. Not sure what 'cringe up my seat' means though. Not bad.  cheers - mitch :-)
 — pdemitchell

Thanks Mitch! I wrote this at two separate times, which may explain that shift in the last stanza
 — cubbzor

Recent Best (expand)