2 Nov 10
Rated 10 (8.6) by 2 users.
Active (2): 10
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clever and crisp
The biggest fault of writing like this is that although it is easily perceived, it is just as easily forgotten as it disappears into the sidelines.
Clever just isn't memorable enough on its own.
Love it that 'Empty ' though there was something in 'nothing'. Thanks Empt + two unks.
re big fault - is there a recipe for memorable? I do think I know where you are coming from though ;)
unk of the biggest fault -- it's not about the thought you're getting, and obviously you're not getting the author's 'thought' -- it's about the fact that you took this little walk down a maze and came to the end and felt you'd been through a maze. what you'd seen in the maze is what You could see, and you saw some stoplights and streets and wanted a burger king maybe?
poetry is that patterning of grammar that takes you out of conversational and habitual word use... that's one of poetry's reality. you have to get into the dance to have the music work on you: everyone says that here -- you probably do too, that 'you didn't read my poem in the right way!'. i think you didn't read this out-loud and see how the breaks are supposed to work in this.
the thought is self-evident, yes, but the poeming form is so much more interesting than some sentence telling us 'well, if you really pay attention there is nothing new under the sun'. that's 'clever' and simply trash writing. this one, this poem, is working out something in space with words, in three dimensions, and makes my innate sense of transformation turn inside out. i like it when that happens.
G R E A T
^what they said.
Not often I bang yer gong, bmb. ta lots also, unk 'n' svart. :)
i liked this.
nothing to this
ta both. glad it worked ok, d. :)
ha! there's actually a line 8!
clever! how in the world did you make line8? pls teach this moron
Great poem. Sums it all up pretty well.
Now tell us about line 8?
this is totally good