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I was a little breeze turning into wind
OCTOGENARIAN

I lost my home
 1
a cold misguided ghost overtook me
 2
 
 
I was a bonfire set ablaze by those I trusted most
 3
they danced around me and threw beer bottles in my fire
 4
 
 
my fingers flipped a good luck coin
 5
I crossed myself, and played marco polo with a blind cat
 6
even though we both couldn't swim
 7
 
 
a boy blew bubbles
 8
and I couldn't pop even one for him
 9
 
 
witches have been cursing me since I was a baby
 10
I skip in prayer to escape their spells
 11
 
 
dream of my mother's tears for me
 12
I haven't for decades
 13
 
 
I am a man who walks with splinters in his feet
 14
and each one that has pierced my flesh I have loved like they were a brother
 15

9 Nov 10

Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
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Comments:

Hi there Octo - I'm a Pento so I've a long way to go yet. Nicely surreal almost Warholy. May I suggest line 15 should be split and in line 4 'fire' repeats - flames mabe? What about the whorls of crackling embers that rise up into the air when you chuck bottles into the fire? The rest is surreal especially 12-15 but I can't imagine wind with splintered feet - I pictured a shoeless pilgrim as aimless as the breeze - me being dim and all. A fine read. Mitch :-)
 — pdemitchell

    Would you believe I see a poem in each stanza... seriously... look again at it... very good nothing needs to change let read  seven different pieces.
 — gblade

thanks so much
 — OCTOGENARIAN

would love to read anymore feedback
 — OCTOGENARIAN

ah this cheers me up!
 — ghost

glad to hear
 — OCTOGENARIAN

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