poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Mephedrone
sisotowbel

I scrubbed my hands with thistles,
 1
to feel real, to feel real.
 2
 
 
It dawned,
 3
a word was jaded;
 4
and I washed
 5
my hands,
 6
in delay.
 7
 
 
Before,
 8
explore was foliage,
 9
delightfully lost :
 10
Now,
 11
still wayward
 12
but what extremity?
 13
 
 
I liked the old equilibrium,
 14
the one until Monday;
 15
it had the clean spirit
 16
of fantasy.
 17

1 Dec 10

Rated 10 (8) by 2 users.
Active (2): 10, 10
Inactive (19): 1, 1, 2, 3, 7, 7, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(15 more poems by this author)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

a clean spirit of fantasy you say?
 — V

v, yes, the clean spirit of fantasy :
fantasy, in it's generic sense,
as a breed of thought,
rather than a particular thought.
However,
as I'm writing this,
I've considered-
'the clean spirit of curiosity' etc...
but fantasy is not intrinsically unclean
and cleanliness of mind is highly subjective,
so clean spirit of fantasy stands.

All, I've made some other changes above.
 — sisotowbel

well in that case, i will take it, can you wrap it up for me?
 — V

aye, with ribbon?
 — sisotowbel

this is one of the best things on this site.
 — bmikebauer

Harry Jones sends his regards
 — unknown

thanks bmikebauer -
that's a very kind comment.

anonymous, who is Harry Jones?
 — sisotowbel

oh man, i really need to learn to write.
: )
 — fractalcore

...*how to write.

there -- see what i mean?
; )
 — fractalcore

right?..?
 — 13fatstacks

wonderful
 — unknown

excellent
 — Bukowski

Crisp and clean.
 — unknown

I liked this poem. I hope you will write writing a cv about it.
 — Morgan45

Hey look--the essay bot has a name.  Now perhaps we can do something about it's droppings all over the site.
 — unknown

vakkert dikt. veldig godt skrevet.
 — unholy

Cool jobbbbbbbbbbbbbbb
 — Memo213

*
 — Empty

I wouldn't say "to feel real" twice because I wouldn't have said that at all. I think you need to wait further into a piece to start assaulting the reader with that type of ro-me-o shit.

You said hands twice, probably shouldn't have especially since scrubbed and washed is the same thing.

I dunno why I am giving this poem a "real comment" instead of randomness.

Maybe cuz thistle is a fun word. Can rhyme it with bristle.

Or throw in Bristol Palin somewhere. I've heard that's the new thing in poetry.

I guess what it is is that the first line is okay. And maybe I can see something forming from that. But whatever you did was wrong. sounds too emo.
 — aliar

Thanks for commenting, aliar -

I stand by the fact that scrubbed and washed are different things!
But yes, you're right, I said hands twice. A good observation.

Thanks for okaying my first line.
I'm sorry that, in your opinion,
I subsequently assaulted, wronged, and was 'too emo'.
I'll do my best to curb my violence and depravity and be more up about my downs.

Sisotowbel
 — sisotowbel

Sis, just be unique.

Bauer, put your ego next to mine and compare. Put your intelligence next to mine and compare. Put your physical form next to mine and compare. Put your talent next to mine and compare. Seriously, what are you even saying to me?

Are you bmikebauer? You want to have a writing contest? We can do it in real time. Name the topic. Prose or poetry. If you are the same dude, I already wrote some shit about you for lulz and posted it here awhile ago. I still have it. I should REPOST IT. But for your sake if you are still trolling this site after you emo-ly took all of your poetry down and were like U GUYS DONT GET ME... I shouldn't even waste my time.

I almost want to believe you are just someone else pretending to be him to get out your rage on everyone else.
 — aliar

i love its potent imagery.
 — bohemian

Nice. Interesting. A bit different. Thank you.
 — wolflarsen

14-17 are awesome. And not in the "radical" way I mean they literally put a little awe into me.

I can relate.
 — Backwardname

Stars are always high and let you look it up. But if you can shine you can become star. And the light comes from replica designer handbags because everyone can have it. 2012 Miu Miu brand offer new models which look more maturate and beautiful. Cheap replica designer handbags attracted the attention of many female friends, to meet their pursuit of luxury for them, while also saving a lot of expenses.
http://www.copyluxury.biz< br /> http://www.replicaha ndbags-uk.co.uk
http://www.replicawatches.c o
http://www.tagheuerwatche s.biz
 — hehandbags

Cartier handbags and also purses are one sure way to make an emphatic record about your class. In todays world, fashion is everything! The celebrities, people of class and prestige are aware that their outlook and look makes that guff with class resounding and because of this , balenciaga handbags and purses are not far from these celebrities. Celine handbags and purses can be a definition of expertise and quality.

Rolex watches having Japanese movements are highly well known among the followers of this exclusive brand. Rolex is a brand which has many admirers. The genuine Rolex watches are really expensive and thus these exclusive Replica watches having Japanese movements are a much cheaper alternative.
 — nanimu

0.344s