poetry critical

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He persisted in his knocking
while I darted behind a curtain,
trying to pretend there was more than
just a pane of glass to separate us.
I heard his muffled voice,
tinged with desperation.
Unable to face him I stared at
the stain he had made long ago
on my once white clothes.
It had been the grass at one of our
poorly planned impromptu picnics.
I came offering more fruit than
I could carry, but he only smiled
and popped the cherry in his mouth.
Without hesitation he exclaimed it
must be special- there was only one.
I sat enchanted and not even the
whispering wind heard what I then said.
Let’s tell the world.
Grim faces greeted me at my
announcement that very same night,
when I declared that I loved him.
Father looked to protest and I,
fickle as a breeze, defended that he
himself had told me to eradicate
the word ‘like’ from my vocabulary.
Though I guiltily looked on, he was
placated and callously explained
that boys like that, like him, from
soap opera families were not
for fresh faced infants like myself.
That, to them, I probably looked like
an angelic bird wheeling gracefully
in the sky. That, to them, a great
achievement would be to clog my
feathers joyfully with scum.
Weeping chlorine tears, I retreated
to my room to nurse my bruises
and sadly contemplate that I,
past the acne’d years already,
could be so deceived.
He persisted in his knocking
while I stayed behind a curtain,
trying to pretend there was more than
just a pane of glass to separate us.
I tried, at last, to half-heartedly plead:
We are made from different things.
We are as alike as different species;
we are a genus all our own.
There was a pause in the banging,
replaced by the steely voice
of unrelenting determination.
Fish were meant to fly.

4 Dec 10

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i think "let's tell the world" for line 19 was a good choice and brought back the poem. it seemed to drift off before you said that. lines 20-26 are very clear for me to understand and i loved it that stanza, i can really relate.
 — arienettte

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