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On A Flight
cubbzor

Dancing in the midnight clouds
 1
above the wandering lights
 2
of cities forgotten and gone.
 3
A comfort in nothingness
 4
sinks in, finding shelter in
 5
lazy eyes and resting minds.
 6
And still, two candling beams
 7
dangle like the red of my love's
 8
hair. One is cast upon a seasoned
 9
reader and her copy of Everything
 10
Is Illuminated. A chuckle leaves
 11
my lips as I flip off the second.
 12

12 Dec 10

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Comments:

maybe omit 'and gone' from line 3?  nice 12 lines otherwise.
 — JKWeb

Thanks for the read. I changed "leaves my lips" in L11-12 to "departs from", but I'm not sure how that reads. Any suggestions?
 — cubbzor

'leaves my lips' is better methinks.
 — JKWeb

changed. It sounds more natural that way. Putting "departs from" forces too much of a pun. Still unsure of omitting "and gone" though
 — cubbzor

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