poetry critical

online poetry workshop

On A Flight

Dancing in the midnight clouds
above the wandering lights
of cities forgotten and gone.
A comfort in nothingness
sinks in, finding shelter in
lazy eyes and resting minds.
And still, two candling beams
dangle like the red of my love's
hair. One is cast upon a seasoned
reader and her copy of Everything
Is Illuminated. A chuckle leaves
my lips as I flip off the second.

12 Dec 10

Rated 9.5 (9.5) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (0): 9, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(64 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


maybe omit 'and gone' from line 3?  nice 12 lines otherwise.
 — JKWeb

Thanks for the read. I changed "leaves my lips" in L11-12 to "departs from", but I'm not sure how that reads. Any suggestions?
 — cubbzor

'leaves my lips' is better methinks.
 — JKWeb

changed. It sounds more natural that way. Putting "departs from" forces too much of a pun. Still unsure of omitting "and gone" though
 — cubbzor

Recent Best (expand)