poetry critical

online poetry workshop



death is a south facing window with a full view of the womb
unknown

how does one determine the difference
 1
between beginning and end?
 2
 
 
the man suffering from congestive heart
 3
failure
 4
 
 
or
 5
 
 
the unborn child, whose mother cries out
 6
feet hooked in stirrups, just a few wards
 7
away
 8
 
 
.
 9
 
 
“idiopathic hypotropic cardiomyopathy”
 10
 
 
one of the many names we create
 11
to identify with
 12
 
 
“jaundice”
 13
 
 
yet another
 14
 
 
.
 15
 
 
abstractions
 16
 
 
no more distinguishable
 17
 
 
than a face in a bar room, through a thick
 18
cloud of smoke
 19
 
 
after drinking
 20
 
 
“a-few-too-many”
 21
 
 
or
 22
 
 
the size of a fish, as seen through the surface
 23
of the water
 24
 
 
our
 25
 
 
“minnow of the sea”
 26
 
 
.
 27
 
 
perhaps this is why we’ve turned to counting
 28
what we hope to be tangible:
 29
 
 
minutes
 30
hours
 31
years
 32
 
 
fingers and toes
 33
 
 
and explains
 34
why after reading one man’s plight
 35
 
 
i find myself
 36
recounting my daughters ribs
 37
and checking for any change
 38
to the hollow above her lung
 39
 
 
.
 40
 
 
though, given the span of the universe
 41
the wide spectrum of time
 42
 
 
birth and death are but an indistinguishable
 43
instance, no more pronounced
 44
 
 
than the purple haze of cornflowers
 45
some fifteen meters off the highway
 46
as you pass by, at 83mph
 47
on your way to the hospital
 48
 
 
to say:
 49
 
 
“goodbye”
 50
 
 
“hello”
 51
 
 
“nice to
 52
know you”
 53

18 Dec 10

Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (3): 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

Besides the periods, which may just be a personal matter, I have no nits to pick.  Hellofawrite!
 — unknown

Thank you.
 — unknown

what prompted this title beside the obvious?

some v nice lines.

write more.
 — unknown

The title?  Well, I've been working with the death/womb relationship for over a week and had it running along with some transitions across a theme I'd been writing.  What it is here in no way represents where it came from, which for me is what the writing process is all about.  

Having a dirty affair with language can be exciting.  

I suppose that doesn't really explain exactly the answer you were looking for, but I am not one to go far into explanation to begin with.

Perhaps if you are more specific regarding your curiosity, I might be able to respond a bit more in depth.

Thank you for the comment.
 — unknown

I developed a curious weight in my chest reading this.  Can I just say, 'beautiful'?  So carefully written...it feels like 'wonder' to me...the line spacing was just what I needed to breathe through it normally. Deeply moving. Thanks.
 — CervusWright

"There's a full womb in the sky tonight."
 — unknown

span of universe in 41 works well with ribs in 37.

the small details in the write work better for me than the sweeping questions and summary.
 — NicMichaels

As it may be for some Nic. No matter.  

41-44 is perhaps a transition I may work on the phrasing for.  Not sure where I stand over it currently.

It is intended to be contemplative.  And why not?  Losing one.  Hearing of another with an ill fated clock.  One whose hands no longer know which hour to point to.  One whose words although frequented the mind, is but a stranger still.  And then the indeterminate, the immediate, child.  

One might ponder over such association.  With or without intent.

The said and unsaid has it's place.

Appreciate your comment CW.  

If the spacing slowed down the pace some, then it is working as I had hoped at least.
 — unknown

0.331s