poetry critical

online poetry workshop



if you went (2) involves wood
unknown

it's not that i'm a twat
 1
or that i'm twaddling
 2
 
 
 
 
 
 
it's mine
 3
it's not that i'm selfish
 4
or smell like sardines in a can
 5
it's that it's groundhog day
 6
and i believed in promise,
 7
a shadow beneath your dark skin
 8
 
 
and now i find you automated
 9
like that robot i fucked in the 80's
 10
it drove a ford
 11
liked ham and cheese
 12
 
 
and all i think about is carrying three cats
 13
two black, one blonder
 14
like a hairy oreo of sorts
 15

2 Feb 11

Rated 10 (7.3) by 3 users.
Active (3): 10, 10
Inactive (6): 1, 1, 1, 9, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

oh good god.
 — PollyReg

i am so not watering your plants anymore
 — mandolyn

"hairy oreo" made this entirely worth reading.  
 — sybarite

Dammit--I really wanted to know who wrote this!  
 — sybarite

let them lie
they will sprout
and grow you
 — unknown

anyone wanna play 'guess who'?
 — unknown

i liked groundhog better (last line)
cactus is so obviously you.
 — mandolyn

"So goodbye, so long, the road calls me dear
And your tears cannot bind me anymore.."
 — mandolyn

I second the goundhog motion!
 — sybarite

yes, yes you are right about the hog
 — unknown

This really deserves more than my hairy oreo comment.  Weird and funny with some truly spectacular visuals.  Thanks for putting the groundhog back.  Hairy oreos....I'm still laughing!
 — sybarite

thanks sybarite!
 — unknown

syb- you do realize the author hates my guts, and more than just my guts, but my veins and skin and hair and everything beneath my marrow. it's rather intense.
i have to admire this.

but he knows darn well it wasn't a ford.
 — mandolyn

Oh, c'mon and sign your name to this!
 — sybarite

Oops, I forgot you're welcome, unk.

Mandolyn--how d'ya know who it is...?
 — sybarite

My prairie dog saw its shadow.

Six more weeks of bad satire.
 — OldShoe

fuck guts and veins
i'm so hungry i could devour your soul
 — unknown

no shit-shoe, did it wink?
 — unknown

L29 sounded better the way it was

syb- we live on separate cul-de-sacs and he is always throwing rocks into my yard.
 — mandolyn

Yes.  It winked.  But only after sleeping with my ex-wife.
 — OldShoe

happy now?
 — unknown

Ecstatic.
 — OldShoe

whoa. dat some adrenalin!!
 — unknown

Indeed.
 — OldShoe

i am deeply unimpressed by the lack of "casual racism" in this poem
 — OldShoe

i am deeply unimpressed
 — mandolyn

fucking brilliant!
 — unknown

i am beginning to think he is a she.
 — mandolyn

Wanna play guess who?
 — unknown

sure. YOU.
 — mandolyn

"Thus Spoke Zarathustra"
 — unknown

in answer to your question
i'd wolf the entire plant down whole

a peckish puckish poem
 — unknown

Wanna play guess who?
— unknown


yes, i reckon it's cuntshoes.
 — unknown

Fret not: got a fixation on words like 'irk'? get thee to dunkirk without jerking the squirts because we've got news for you:: learn how to write real poetry without having to resort to stealing impoverished metaphors  with propensity towards redundant self immolation. Did your poetry professor eat graham crackers in bed with flipper? Fret not: we write you the big dipper without zippers but very very fuzzy slippers. We ground you in infantry infantasizing rhyme while turning style into snow pile of irreconcilable rubbing ducks in mockery. Sick of the faux see see cummings with cumin while sittin on the loo with putin kind of punctuation? Get with the manifest spectacles: we write your ratable and non debatable data based poems for you for a small fee. Dont forget, left alignment is going out of consignment and it never hurts to consult pavlov about the type of dunlop balls you use, unless of course you got lightbulb screwtiny on the mutiny.
 — unknown

These 'If you were hungry' poems are starting to piss me off
 — unknown

Oldshoe?--I'd have never guessed!

Verbose Unk--c'mon,  lighten up, there are some fun and fabulous lines in here.  
 — sybarite

i don't think it is shoe - and i know it's not me. otherwise no idea.
 — PollyReg

no, it's not shoe. the person is making fun of me and shoe in this poem, why, i have no clue. but i have to admire their time and effort into this, as it is pretty hilarious. if only they would change L29-30 back to it's original, then i might give it a 10.

"buried at your root" -- that line is spectacular. labia? funny, but no.
 — mandolyn

yeah some of it is not bad, i like 7/8
 — PollyReg

Hairy oreo did it for me.  I'm not sure I can ever eat an oreo again though...
 — sybarite

C'mon poet--reveal thyself!
 — sybarite

the poem is fine.
the comments are nauseating.
 — unknown

they won't syb...just bask in the hairy oreo line ~
;)
 — mandolyn

nice poem.
 — hank

it's that i'm homeless in the mountains  3
and it's snowing  4
i'm cold on the floor of a bear cave  5
with no blankets,  6
i would have to kill a bear with my bare hands  7
just to keep warm, you fuck  (I love this part the most, hell yeah.

This whole thing is pretty fucking awesome.

Hey, I got a question for you.  If you were a hot dog and you were starving, would you eat yourself?  I know I would!  :-)
 — logitech

if you wanted a good poem and you saw one with a really long and really boring title, would you read it?
 — unknown

this is Yours??
wait..i'm confused...
 — mandolyn

i kinDA WANNA HEAR --  sorry -- caps james carvil read this one a loud when he's talking bout the 'bush' years.
 — unknown

no chance honey.
 — sir_I_clan

nice poem, jen.

oops sorry, not jen, sir i meant. (i must have jen on the brain, but who can help it, she's a hotty, no) you are a lucky guy clanned  one.

shit, she is almost enough to make me turn.

you know, i think i remember reading this before. it is based on someone elses poem, no?

too awesome in any case.

cheers for the read, ten from me.
 — PollyReg

polly,

sir and i wrote this together...his genius contribution is in lines 38-44, as you can probably detect the difference in tonality.  :)
 — jenakajoffer

cockface.






tony
tiger
i jousted burped
 — unknown

wow, never ssaw that, you sound like a cunt.
truck is green.
 — sir_I_clan

wrong poem, cunt...the other one's about a truck.  :)
 — jenakajoffer

"hairy oreo" is definetely an instant classic.
 — DeformedLion

as classic as those two claw tipped cunt lips you call ears
 — unknown

she's a hog
 — sir_I_clan

omg you SUCK!

hahaha
 — jenakajoffer

even if you weren't drunk from a three day long enema, you'd still be lame as shit
 — unknown

nowthat's twat i call some major cuts

The byronic man
 — unknown

i always hated this poem
 — mandolyn

childish
that's what is is

and now it's reaching infancy...
 — mandolyn

can you post the earlier version?
twood ve so nice


oh wouldn't it beeeeee loverly

(echo one pitch hiegher: loverly

loverly)

Eliza
 — Clara

MIght i enquire where one might find said robot?

Im extememely interestiend
 — unknown

Yes, i thought it was childish at first too.

But damned if i didnt begin to see the artistic merit in it after finding out that jen had written it.
 — unknown

IT'S NAT THAT IM A TWAAYYYYYYYYYYYYT
OR THEYT IMA TWAYYYYYYYDALING


my name is james carvil

and this has been a private session for your poetry pleasure

red to you
on a magic flying red carpet machine

with one lil ficcus in the middle that i water
with my james carvil piddle nawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwt to mention
anchoring my own fly donw
 — unknown

thank you. i would like to thank myself for having good connections in low flying destainations.

i love you carvil

likei love my anvil

thanks


advil
 — Clara

^^^ oh ooops.

not suppposed to reveal my REAL NAME
 — Clara

ok. now where was we before the pundit from timbukfukintootoot stuck his fly in here?

oh right . .. who wrote this poem? fess up!!
 — Clara

0.178s