|After birth interment
How we’d like it buried
just like I,
who sees all freely
if I were cremated indeed.
I’d shed a tear
as you would;
read it somewhere
wandering and lost.
I have no feel --
we walk this death march.
10 Feb 11
Rated 10 (9.3) by 2 users.
Inactive (1): 8, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(58 more poems by this author)
(2 users consider this poem a favorite)
Add A Comment:
we walk this death march (a mere suggestion)
I find l12 original and beautiful.
i'd be tired to walk if i were a ghost. walking is honorable though
still love the antics. keeps me smiling at the wake.
agreed. instead, we walk this death march
to the mausoleum.
I have no feel--
l12 is slippery and precise. I admire it.
thanks unknowns and lysandre. trying to make this better for good
you mean this?
just wondering if punctuations were marked right here. please? thanks
Author, change "I" to "me" in l 2.
Your punctuation isn't traditionally correct, but it doesn't jar at all. It's
pleasing to the eye.
is the use of 'I' gramatically wrong? maybe i was confusing it with 'eye' (rofl). i'll get back. thanks 'unknowingly'! :)
confusing 'I' and 'me'
well, 'I' here is the subject of a clause, thereby use here is technically right.
how many 'heres' do i have to say it?
"I" is wrong. "like" is a preposition here isn't it? Either way (like as verb or preposition, you require an object > me.
not sure if this is ruined. thanks for the technical discussion. will get back once flaws are noticeable.
I haven’t thought of debating whether to kill myself when my eyes hurt; if in the speed of below I’d jump; make it a bridgend – roped; and if I begin tonight would you remember me to an aged cello?
I forget I was already staring this after birth interment. I’m not sure if hand-in-hand with Luxy, Abracadabra, JKWeb, X.
reverted to original with the use of "I".
Intricate interlaid eloquence. Burying this part of a human--part mother, part child. It's like burying a myth!
. . thanks :(
thanks to all :)
a few edits after deletion :