poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Daisy Cinquain
sybarite

Daisy
 1
Divine fancy
 2
Counting on prophecy
 3
Stirs petals of trepidation
 4
Portent
 5

10 Feb 11

Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
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Inactive (1): 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(129 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

you rock.
:)
 — mandolyn

Very good!
 — jharrison

Yip, yip, syb. A hard form but L5 must relate to L1 in synonym in true form - and portent does not relate to the common bellis perennis so may I suggest Day's-eye (the original name), the rest is fine!

A cinquain has five lines:
Line 1 is one word (the title);
Line 2 is two words that describe the title.
Line 3 is three words that tell action
Line 4 is four words that express feeling
Line 5 is one word that recalls the title

The Latin name bellis (in time of war - ie bellicose) perennis (ongoing, enduring, everlasting - ie perennial) suggests L5 to be Everlasting. Mitch :-)
 — pdemitchell

PS unfolds rather than stirs as a daisy does in light
 — pdemitchell

Thanks mandolyn and jharrison.
 — sybarite

Hey Mitch, thanks for the feedback, I will think about 'unfolds' in place of 'stirs.'

I was following the form for a true cinquain which also includes a syllable count per line, rather than the modified form I believe you're referring to.  The information I found said that the 5th line is 1 word, 2 syllables, that refers to the title.  In the example given, 'friendship' was the word for the first line and 'always' was the final line.

The rules for a modified cinquain, on the same website, state that L5 is to be a synonym.

Here's the URL for the site:

http://www.readinga-z.com/poetry/lesson_plans/ cinquain/cinquain_print.html

You recently commented on another poem containing a cinquain and I think you copy/pasted the form for the modified version from the site above into your comment.
 — sybarite

hi syb - you're right, mine is the modified definition requiring the synonym - so both are good. Mine was taken from an international poetry teaching resource. Hey - we're discusiing poetry form instead of religion or some other irrelevancy! Sin quain was the other one so will attach update asap. Kewl mewves. Mitch :-)
 — pdemitchell

Thanks for coming back Mitch.

Yes, it's nice to discuss poetry at the poetry website!  I believe I may have visited the same site as you did.  On the other poem, 'Haiku, Tanka, Cinquain', your example of the modified version is the same example as on the site I visited.  Do you have a link to your site?  

I really enjoyed the exercise of this form and it's much more difficult than it seems at first.  I have been reading about Tanka, as well, and may try my pen at that.
 — sybarite

This is CIN(quain)ful!  You did it!  I'm still stuck, but I'll give it another shot tomorrow.  A "10" for mastering this really challenging form!  :-)
 — starr

possible p problem
but in light of line 3, operative word 'counting'

'strips petals of trepidation'
 — unknown

Thanks Starr--no way were a few little rules goona beat me!

Unk, L4 has to express a feeling.  Not sure that 'strips petals of trepidation' meets that requirement.  Thanks for reading and commenting.
 — sybarite

unk 4 here

if you can count on something, there is no trepidation

derr, sorry, i'm offf wandering

enjoyed your poem
:)
 — unknown

Thanks Unk4.  'Counting' is a reference to playing the, he loves me, he loves me not, game.  Odd number of petals, he loves me.  Even number of petals, he loves me not.
 — sybarite

yeh syb, i got that much

i fell asleep among the flowers
for a couple
of hours
 — unknown

Kay, sorry Unk4.  Enjoy your nap!
 — sybarite

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