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All about Eve
matrinh20

Naked girl waits in the wings,
 1
a mind to leave behind
 2
all these broken things.
 3
 
 
Sacred pearl in sea of sins,
 4
to find reprieve of kind;
 5
call these tokens rings.
 6
 
 
 
 
Fated worlds within world spins,
 7
divine deceived and blind
 8
falls bespoken kings.
 9

1 Mar 11

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Comments:

oblique and/but tasty!
I find your language precise. Is this about primal sin or about ingenue willing to murder? (or neither)

intriguing words—yours.
 — lysandre

Grammy material. Start doing heavy drugs now.
 — unknown

Hi matrin - Good classic triple enclosed tercet ABA ABA ABA in a 7-6-5 syllable form - can't remember the technical name but good to see on PC. Excellent! Mitch :-)
 — pdemitchell

It’s a poem regarding aspects of the perceived femininity and character in general of Eve in the biblical sense (sic), e.g. her position as a female regarded as inferior to that of mail.
Does knowledge= sin, and ignorance= innocence, e.g. does the Christian ideal aspire to a controlling ethos whereby ignorance of all things is required except that that is instructed.
 — matrinh20

nice meter, not that i would know, but it's feels good.
I like the rhymes, you seem to put them out effortlessly.

i'm not sure I'm feeling line 2 with 'mind' though.  seems lax in a way.

i like that your titles have ceased in caps.
=-)

nice work!
 — jenakajoffer

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