poetry critical

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your acute problem
midperiphery

is that you have tonnes of time-management books
 1
but no time to read them
 2
 
 
conundrum-roll please
 3
 
 
if i have time,
 4
i'll write poetry
 5
with cadence, metaphors
 6
(Sense)
 7
and all things nice
 8
 
 
and read all the bookses
 9
that helpses
 10
get ridses
 11
of unnecessary excesses
 12
 
 
ram-bling i winked
 13
ere heard sound'f glinting
 14
purty christmas decourse
 15
*why not go ahead and do it?
 16
 
 
it's because of this:
 17
the reasson that
 18
we are complex beings,
 19
with our physiology, emotions, and thoughts
 20
(and the hazy-spirit)
 21
interaxing with each other
 22
such chemical reactions
 23
 
 
which materialized
 24
dizz thang cold
 25
Laziness
 26
 
 
slurry now
 27
like sentience
 28
whizzin or weepin'
 29
while wakin' or sleepin'
 30
 
 
made no point beyond this period
 31

3 Mar 11

Rated 10 (7.8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (6): 3, 3, 7, 9, 10, 10

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Comments:

*applauds*  I like this in its entirety.  Above and beyond the call of creative.  A poem you can truly call your own work of art.  I find nothing trite, cliche, overused, common.  An original.  You should be proud of yourself, this is quite extraordinary.
 — sybarite

so so
 — unknown

Hiya Mid P - a bit spasmodic and disconected for me and the booksies stanza just made me think of Gollum but congratulations for sticking to an interesting sound and form experiment. Typo in L18 or is the sybillant hiss intended? As syb sez - it has originality writ large. Well done. Mitch :-)
 — pdemitchell

x*,
 — fractalcore

^ i look like that when i'm speechless.

:P
 — fractalcore

hi, thanks for the comments :) yup the Gollum effect was intended, so is the L18 double ss. And being disjointed is somewhat intentional too because i described the poem as 'slurry'. that is, slurred and like slurry, which relates to the characteristics of laziness or being out of focus. hehe just experimenting. i thought it was crap, but interesting crap. i'm glad that you like it..  i'll try to improve on my next poems.
 — midperiphery

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