poetry critical

online poetry workshop

your acute problem

is that you have tonnes of time-management books
but no time to read them
conundrum-roll please
if i have time,
i'll write poetry
with cadence, metaphors
and all things nice
and read all the bookses
that helpses
get ridses
of unnecessary excesses
ram-bling i winked
ere heard sound'f glinting
purty christmas decourse
*why not go ahead and do it?
it's because of this:
the reasson that
we are complex beings,
with our physiology, emotions, and thoughts
(and the hazy-spirit)
interaxing with each other
such chemical reactions
which materialized
dizz thang cold
slurry now
like sentience
whizzin or weepin'
while wakin' or sleepin'
made no point beyond this period

3 Mar 11

Rated 10 (7.8) by 1 users.
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*applauds*  I like this in its entirety.  Above and beyond the call of creative.  A poem you can truly call your own work of art.  I find nothing trite, cliche, overused, common.  An original.  You should be proud of yourself, this is quite extraordinary.
 — sybarite

so so
 — unknown

Hiya Mid P - a bit spasmodic and disconected for me and the booksies stanza just made me think of Gollum but congratulations for sticking to an interesting sound and form experiment. Typo in L18 or is the sybillant hiss intended? As syb sez - it has originality writ large. Well done. Mitch :-)
 — pdemitchell

 — fractalcore

^ i look like that when i'm speechless.

 — fractalcore

hi, thanks for the comments :) yup the Gollum effect was intended, so is the L18 double ss. And being disjointed is somewhat intentional too because i described the poem as 'slurry'. that is, slurred and like slurry, which relates to the characteristics of laziness or being out of focus. hehe just experimenting. i thought it was crap, but interesting crap. i'm glad that you like it..  i'll try to improve on my next poems.
 — midperiphery