poetry critical

online poetry workshop

New Light

And the sun
Just a few seconds from our street
I could hear that former neighbour
Thinking aloud
Let’s drive from here to the Midwest
Across the evergreen front
Collapsing waves nothing to do with
My mistakes
A pin prick to the heart perhaps
Motion is torn, spent
Just a few seconds until we can see
The whole picture

4 May 11

Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
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or ..and the sun just a few seconds from our street  L2
 — unknown

Yep Ok :)
 — unknown

I've never read your work because I've never seen it because you haven't posted anything new since 2011... ?

I really like this. Brief, solid, fluid. I read it three times four times five times now and I have the coolest image in my head of a guy in a car looking into the sunrise. Like, that's what formed in my minds eye reading it. I''m sure it was something completely different for you, but that's what I saw. The fact that you made me see something with this is fucking radical. I'll never forget it.

It's a pinprick in my mind. A painting, a sunrise, trees, a cul-de-sac, miles of nothing just flat fields as far as the fucking freeway will force its way through the forest of failures that ARE the midwest. Sorry, you moved me.

I'm so glad you commented on my writing, otherwise I would have never read this and had these thoughts.

10 as fuck. All day.
 — dvdsxr

Hey dvdsxr, i've only just come back to this site after a few years. I didn't realise you'd commented on my stuff. Very kind words for stuff that's half formed nonsense haha! I never thought anyone would bother to read these. Much appreciated.
 — Infinite