poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Mint Condition
PaleHorse

When I eat a peach, I think of Amber -
 1
Her blond attention and brick
 2
glazed lips could lay waste
 3
to any ivory tower.
 4
she would dangle her pear
 5
above me as we lay
 6
on lilac sheets slurping burgundy
 7
as if it were asparagus.
 8
I would run my fingers
 9
through the maize of her hair,
 10
and she would maroon in the rime
 11
of my wit; blushing
 12
as saffron streaks migrate
 13
south along her thigh.
 14
She left me like a lemon
 15
that day, Amber did.
 16
Perhaps it is because I
 17
tried to woo her with
 18
vanilla erotica. Perhaps
 19
her pale pearl pumpkin hips
 20
were jaded by my eggshell approach.
 21
And just perhaps, it is because
 22
I rose too gingerly to the occasion.
 23
But this peach is still sweet
 24
and my face is flush.
 25
beet red and beat. For I read
 26
today that Amber met Violet,
 27
who left me plumb in
 28
the icebox.
 29

5 May 11

Rated 9 (8.1) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (9): 1, 4, 7, 7, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(32 more poems by this author)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

Aw horse!
Nice imagery.
I love the words you've chosen. They are flavorful.

Does this mean what I think it means? L27
Nice ending. But :(
 — mandolyn

:)
 — unknown

Well now I'm hungry!  Enjoyed the food play--L20-21 in particular.
 — sybarite

This is quite cute. I groaned a little at beet red and beat, but overall, it's smirky. I like smirky. But it feels like it's just playing and not trying to do anything serious. That's ok, if that's what you mean to do :)
 — Ananke

LOL

cute

WCW pervades everything.

well. almost.

thank you for the read. F
 — unknown

Brick glazed lips is about the only thing that isn't about food.  You followed the food throughout, which must have been tough.  I thought 'maize of her hair' was quite good to describe blonde.  
 — Isabelle5

OMGGGG fantastic! Best poem I've read in a long while. The themes are clear as water and are refreshing to no end. Unbelievably good.
 — Known

While food is certainly there, I see colors galore!
 — unknown

Thank you all for your read, comments and ratings. As Anake says this was crafted to be a bit intentionally smirky...but crafted none the less.

I am surprised a little that it resonates so much. You all are awesome!
 — PaleHorse

Hi PH - Nice rolling foodie theme - the only thing I had problems with was the slurping burgundy like asparagus. Vanilla erotica - mmm, flavoursome. Maybe plump in the icebox - as in cannibalised? Mitch :-)
 — pdemitchell

yummmmy!!
 — jenakajoffer

yummmmy!!
you always make me salivate.
 — jenakajoffer

thank you jena...always nice to make you smile.
 — PaleHorse

LOVE THIS ONE.  Really enjoyed each line.  Props to you... Whoever you are!
 — aforbing

Thank you for reading aforbing
 — PaleHorse

shameless
 — unknown

Nice to see this again.  Still makes me hungry!  :)
 — sybarite

It's been a long time..
 — PaleHorse

0.423s