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I Am Cursed

.                                      A
                                    b l a c k
                                  bone dried
                                 and sinew is
                                withered dead
                                temples buried
                               beneath Egyptian
                              skies-the pharaoh’s
                             spell cursed peasants
                              the messiah’s wrath
                                mummified bodies
                                  tethered among
                                    timeless evils
                                      rancid flesh

6 May 11

Rated 10 (7.6) by 2 users.
Active (2): 10
Inactive (8): 2, 3, 4, 4, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(173 more poems by this author)

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this actually works better as a warped diamond. i like the concept and the subject. i think you could work this even more so that you replaced it with more weighted words that somehow locked and tied this box up even tighter.

but keep the slanted shape.
 — raskolniikov

when you were unknown, nobody commented web? people are ignorant. i like this.
 — unknown

bullshit coward unknown, please do not include my ignorance with other 'people'. it is only i, me, myself, that is ignorant.

you should have the nuts to address me by my name, in your bad manners not to, you have gone and implied that all others are my equal. you are incorrect. i am beneath everybody.

please do not include others in your spiteful and opinionated observations of myself.
 — raskolniikov

^settle down son, wasn't talking to you - just the opposite, was referring to the 'lack' of comments.
 — unknown

hello raskolniikov-
I'm glad you were able to detect the warped diamond as I had evisioned the shape before I started with the syntax--  and you're right in that the words can be more "weighty" and that's something I'll have to look at and work on in the near future.  I have a few ideas so...  thanks---I appreciate it.
 — JKWeb

hello unknown-
thanks for reading and commenting.  did take a little while but I'm glad you stopped by.  gratitude
 — JKWeb

just love the shape!! makes me want to twirl the end of Dali's mustache and pull!! thanks F
 — unknown

awesome! JKWeb, we must be on the same wavelength! Shape has been showing its diamond face in my mind too.  Well done this, well done!
 — Known

thanks a bunch
glad you dig the form
and appreciate the feedback.
 — JKWeb

thank U2 Known,
coincidently, I saw your thread after posting and was thinking,
"what the dealio?"
but am glad you like nonetheless.
 — JKWeb

Well I'll Be.

This is something.
 — unknown

hope that means you dig it unknown.  thanks for the visit.
 — JKWeb

Hi JK - I dug it - 'shape' poetry usually sucks but this has the depth to pull it off. Pity the converter requires a period on Line 1 Mitch:-)
 — pdemitchell

thanks for reading and comment pdemitch-
yeah, formatting can be tricky,
even if you cut and paste from word
it might turn out wonky.
 — JKWeb

Web, I hate to say this but all that diversionary activity only takes the gloss of your words and what you really should be up to. You're way too good a poet to design martinis, etc on the page in your spare time.
 — unknown

thanks unknown.   as you may have guessed, I like to try new angles once in a while.  some of the "concrete" poems I've seen here on PC are amazing and I've been influenced quite a bit.  I can appreciate what you're saying in that certain forms might restrict and set boundries on the syntax tho'.   thanks again.
 — JKWeb

amazing how you were able to
squeeze those words into that
perfectly-shaped and skewed

not bad at all.
: )
 — fractalcore

thanks fractalcore for dropping in and digging the diamond.
 — JKWeb

slightly recalibrated.
 — JKWeb

 — AlchemiA

thank you much AlchemiA for reading and brief comment.
 — JKWeb