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Malibu Barbie
softyetharsh

now mutilate this fucking doll
 1
i dare you
 2
make it dirty one more time
 3
like when you had a first glimpse
 4
to notice sadness in those eyes.
 5
be futile
 6
and devilish without guilt
 7
take away her glow
 8
plaster that pretty smile
 9
make her appear to be a whore.
 10
 
 
oh! when she’s alive
 11
you fantasize -
 12
typifies her to be this dumb blonde,  
 13
‘ah, my cup of tea’
 14
when you would have wanted to suck her blood
 15
eat raw and fresh,
 16
              fuck her.
 17
 
 
this is queer
 18
you imagine her to write poetry
 19
pen illusions
 20
rouse your established cadence
 21
surprisingly, she slaps with words it stings
 22
wanting you,
 23
              silenced.
 24

26 Jun 11

Rated 10 (9.5) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (1): 9, 10

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Comments:

"the" not "those" in L5.  Something's missing (a subject) in L16.  Eat her ______ raw and fresh, fuck her.  (A comma would work after "fresh.)  L's 18-26 try too hard to keep the momentum going.  I'd consider scrapping 'em.  Otherwise, this is off to a good, raunchy start.  :-)
 — starr

sad


xx

dolores phuk in
 — unknown

this has been posted 6 months ago if i'm not mistaken. how can you not say you're not a fucking doll when you stand alone and cold your chills are 'blanketed as needed'. LOL, typical egotist. passe anyway.
 — unknown

fuckin' plastic massive

Larry barbed Mr. Doll Lark
 — larrylark

thanks, starr. 'those' were for the eyes, not as sharp as yours. yeah, last stanza needs scrapping or maybe all of it, hehe. passe anyway, as one puts it earlier. thanks to others who cared to read.
 — unknown

I LOVE it, but as I said before, the last stanza kills it.  It's excellently written.  :-)
 — starr

again thanks, starr. will consider scrapping but not now i'm in rage.
 — unknown

Awwww...hope u feel better and I'll rate NOW so I don't forget later.  :-)
 — starr

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