poetry critical

online poetry workshop



the crack whore
unknown

looks like
 1
any other
 2
middle aged
 3
caucasian woman
 4
in line
 5
at the grocery store.
 6
 
 
started smoking a little on the weekends
 7
then a pinch
 8
and another pinch
 9
and she was being dispatched
 10
to various motels
 11
by a man named ray-ray
 12
who paid her
 13
in just enough crack
 14
to keep her viable.
 15
 
 
now
 16
she takes ambien
 17
to sleep at night
 18
 
 
and xanax
 19
to function during the day.
 20
 
 
she's out of both
 21
at the moment
 22
 
 
having been shipped
 23
to a halfway house
 24
in des moines iowa
 25
by the federal bureau
 26
of prisons.
 27
 
 
i'd like to
 28
give her a hug
 29
 
 
tell her everything
 30
will be ok.
 31
 
 
but that kind of
 32
human decency
 33
would get me fired.
 34
 
 
my coworker
 35
undoes
 36
her handcuffs.
 37
 
 
back against the wall,
 38
i say
 39
 
 
taking her picture.
 40

21 Jul 11

Rated 8.3 (8.3) by 8 users.
Active (8): 5, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (10): 1, 2, 2, 6, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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(7 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

xanax
 — unknown

You're a beautiful soul to write something like this.  So sad.  :-(
L's 28-40 are heartwrenchingly perfect.  Good work!  :-)
 — starr

How sad and beautiful at the same time.  Excellent telling.  

I would love to see the ending as, "taking her picture as gently as I can."  As if even the flash will wound her.
 — Isabelle5

I agree with Starr and Isabelle, this is both beautiful and sad.  Very well written, displaying the compassionate soul of the author.
 — mtharp

You guys are nuts when he is objectifying women in his other poems what do u say then
 — unknown

As long as he writes it well, does it matter?
 — Isabelle5

Exactly aesthetics trumps morality
 — unknown

This is poetry.  If Justin were out humping women and posting videos, I wouldn't be watching.  It's not a morality issue for me, it's reading poetry.
 — Isabelle5

Stunning, grabs you and pulls you briefly into her world.
 — stan

I really enjoyed your use of human decency and the picture of this woman looking like any other woman
 — unknown

i don't think you need so many run-on-lines to put emotion across.
 — greenmantle

A story, not a poem.
Good one, though.
 — aurelius

i like this... A LOT. um. wow. thank you for posting
 — dvdsxr

This comment has been suspended by a moderator.

This is a lovely portrait of both the crackhead and the narrator.
 — CaseyPowers

Awesome....All I can say..
 — Triz

This comment has been suspended by a moderator.

This comment has been suspended by a moderator.

Get a life - smoke a herbal cigarette from a thrift shop and blow some smooth poetry rather than this sullied work
 — unknown

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