poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Nothing Sinks Quickly
jpmhawk

My headache is a wheel of cheese.
 1
A wheel of cheese wanders aimlessly
 2
through the desert.  The desert is an ocean
 3
of thought.  The ocean has a million clams.
 4
Clams cling to cruise ships circling
 5
the tiniest Filipino islets.  Clams suck up
 6
what's needed, cruise ships are cankerous
 7
dreamscapes not to be mistaken
 8
as islets of destination or avoidance
 9
which are havens, yes, aspirin.
 10
Aspirin never fall slowly through the air.
 11

26 Jul 11

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Comments:

the plural of aspirin is aspirin.
 — unknown

Hey jpm. :)
 — Sequiturist

oh yearh
 — funes

Hey Sequiturist! How's Cali treating you?
 — jpmhawk

i enjoyed this, sort of like a crash theme? eh hawky?
 — ghost

the wheel of cheese wandering through the desert threw me for a bit, was it buffalo? or swiss, you see i dont think swiss could hold up to the heat, have to be a hardy robust cheese .
 — ghost

Hi jpm! Pretty swell. I'm working in a lab on campus for the summer. Check out my new poem! I'm glad that I contributed to this creation. :)
 — Sequiturist

Wow! The spammer has attacked your space
 — unknown

Please don't get discouraged
 — unknown

^
Dumb fuckers
 — unknown

Hawk, when can we expect some new material from you? Soon?
 — unknown

Meandering cute-like.  There is no message here.
 — turboswami

a cheese head poetry would be brilliant -- jenni thinks IQ isn't an indication of poet. so, an IQ of 5 would give pretty much the same poem as a cheese with an IQ of 475. think about it.
 — trashpoodle

my headache is class full of 9 yr olds asking where the science fiction section is.

love this.
 — mandolyn

In l 6 should be about Islets again. You have mentioned Clams thrice and it would appear one object can only led to the next once

ie the tiniest Filipino islets. Inslets suck up---
 — unknown

Brilliant title.
 — unknown

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