poetry critical

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road of expectation
OCTOGENARIAN

pale highway
 1
bumps and poor repairs like little explosions in my frame-
 2
my tired, old skeleton
 3
who walks the overgrown ballfields and dead grass of my youth
 4
but not this afternoon
 5
with yellow dash marks in my eyes
 6
let me wave to you
 7
from this place between places
 8
bopping my head up and down
 9
I'll never move my hand this way again
 10

19 Aug 11

Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (0): 10

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(124 more poems by this author)



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comments would be appreciated....thanks
 — OCTOGENARIAN

high-level poetry critique is about asking the author how the author fucked-up the poem -- asking what got shoved in when nothing else would work. do you really want comments or just praise and spell-check...
 — trashpoodle

thanks to whoever gave this a 10....trashpoodle-I want whatever one feels like saying about the piece
 — OCTOGENARIAN

it was my ten, because i always feel that what i have to say shouldn't prevent anyone else from saying whatever they want too. if i give it anything less, it'll disappear like snow on water.

this is a cinematic piece, with your consciousness controlling the words for us -- we follow your subjective way of thinking. some words get in the way -- 'skeleton' has too many resonances for anyone under 12 or over 60. i see your bones still articulating, bending at the elbow, through like 7 -- so, the 'wave to me' is to see this grisly hand mocking life.
 — trashpoodle

thanks trash.....appreciate the feedback
 — OCTOGENARIAN

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