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hue: black; wants: one

too, nights
prove no different --
a moment stretches
infinitely wanting,
waiting to be
else, long
departures be shortened
for my point of view,
the pointed hue
              of my want
of you -- too distant,
like the tantrum leap of lips
between kisses
the traces:
a train of eye-see beads
returning home for
a day too long
too many.

for hue, off-course.

     /   \
     : )

22 Sep 11

Rated 10 (3.3) by 2 users.
Active (2): 10
Inactive (4): 1, 1, 1, 1, 10

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3 - 6 is brilliant without your usual fractured-word fugue, nonetheless your uncanny mosh-pit of verbs dances what may come of being the one at zero-sum ...
 — AlchemiA

a moment stretches
infinitely wanting,
waiting to be
            ;   somewhere...

else, long............................................................. ...........................................
it's always not saying that one thing.. thanks to spontaneity, now talking would be
walking? hardest to do, lest you forget focus, fractalcore.
 — unknown

thanks for the feedback, peephole.

i felt there was something amiss in this when i wrote it, but i`m not yet prepared to do some edits -- this will have to stay the way it is for awhile.

mike, you make perfect sense. you, too, alc and unk.

; )
 — fractalcore

I think there is a weakness in 3-6 because this is the only place where you ascribed personality to an object, "moment". It kind of stands out from the entire framework differently.

But I like the form. It reminds me of e.e.cummings :-)
 — JoelJosol

thanks for the feedback, joel.

that portion is actually where i assume the role of that `moment`, or that i had to let `moment` represent me and speak/move on my behalf.

it`s a funny and sad personal fact altogether, but i`m not a voracious reader, so i don`t really know how ee cummings writes, but i can only take the reference as a compliment out of trust in your exposure to those iconic names in poetry.

thank you once again.
; )
 — fractalcore

it's a shield - that 'instant' simply makes it easier for things to flourish on its own,  otherwise your defenses will be up for a long time. someone sees it clearly for you lest you are on denial.
 — unknown

it could be a shield at the very least, as metaphors always are, dear unk.

this is but my attempt at defending myself from self_explosion, _implosion, & collapse due to both internal and external pressures.

if someone sees/reads my writing clearly and perhaps better than i do, then it`s a good thing.

: )
 — fractalcore

^unauthorized publishing of a poem without license or consent.
 — unknown



faving this one!!
 — Clara

how is this supposed to be read, fractalcore? hmm..to how many persons are you speaking to? i can be blinded as well
 — unknown