poetry critical

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Employment at Burlington Coat Factory

On a stucco facade
sits a sign that's misleading
and flaunts a location
that fabricates coats--
it's without intimation
of what else entails--
unless this addendum
were added in quotes:
"This isn't a factory;
we don't manufacture;
our hours are posted
but ask us inside;
the bathroom's through shoes
and then just past the depot;
and if there's a survey,
we all 'strive for five'.
And if you choose credit,
please wait for instruction--
the red line, though tempting,
is not where you sign;
we never give cash on
a layaway purchase,
so please don't get angry
and hold up the line.
This place has it's sizers,
it's rounders, its standards,
it's telxon, it's bullets,
it's stickies, it's hards
and you hardly would know,
just to what I'm referring,
unless you've swiped in
with your Burlington card."
Such a sign needs a font
much too small for detection--
a sign not in sign shop or Corporate approved--
no argon or neon is needed, just paper--
so please read this quickly before it's removed.

3 Oct 11

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Much, MUCH too literal. This lacks flare of metaphor and emotion. It's vaguely sarcastic but not enough to be remotely funny or interesting. I'd scratch the whole piece and try again with the same subject.  again, it feels like a rant but why should we (audience) care? Tell us about coats and how you sell them to buy your dreams which are actually full of coats that keep your mind warm.
 — unknown

not bad, spice up with something memorable or different or a customer foaming at the mouth
 — gjenkins