poetry critical

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all my maps include the celtic sea
mandolyn

when my stomach talks
 1
it's irish
 2
 
 
sometimes i feed it stew
 3
 
 
i think of you
 4
but not like that
 5
 
 
we talked today
 6
i could tell
 7
that you were working
 8
 
 
i pulled my eyelashes–
 9
could picture your cheek
 10
and shoulder
 11
wrestling the phone
 12
 
 
your fingers
 13
always smelled like fruit
 14
 
 
so i ate an orange for dinner
 15

7 Oct 11

Rated 10 (7.8) by 2 users.
Active (2): 7, 10, 10
Inactive (9): 1, 2, 3, 8, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(213 more poems by this author)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

^you dont know how to read poetry
 — unknown

L9 and L5 are in cahoots
 — mandolyn

mbauer's comments are inconsequential. He doesn't even write poetry.  
 — unknown

i'm actually satisfied with this piece. i mean, of course it could be better...
 — mandolyn

it is what it is
 — mandolyn

so you think i should start this with 13-14?
then what...
 — mandolyn

the next poem is already posted.
under unknown
i doubt you'll think it's the best one...bauer
 — mandolyn

mike is that a wand in your pocket?

or are you happy to just be here?
 — unknown

all i care about is that you like it bauer...
 — mandolyn

so what?
 — unknown

well, as long as you like it i will be happy
but if you don't like it, i will be depressed and will end up writing poetry
 — mandolyn

Does mbauer have autism? either that or he's very very lonely.
 — Infinite

i'm not smug. my poetry stinks. but this one smells like fruit.
 — mandolyn

i'm only being silly in the comment section. this poem is not silly. do you think it's silly?
 — mandolyn

Gobsmaked with the detail in L9. Amazing nuance.
 — PaleHorse

thanks palehorse
where ya been?
 — mandolyn

nice and dreamy mandolyn.
 — unknown

This is sooo GOOD!  It's funny, it's sexy and it's just plain COOL!  Different.  I like it!  Referencing the Celtic Sea is tight in the title.  However, when your stomach talks, wouldn't it be Gaelic?  When MY stomach talks, it's usually bitchin' me out cuz I deny it that extra doughnut!  Seriously, every line here is a winner!  I now pass the torch to YOU.  :-)
 — starr

I never in a thousand years would ever have guessed.  Very nice, Mandolyn!  :-)
 — starr

it 'felt' like yours and the way the words fall down the page in sultry-ironic is very-cool -- the title too
 — AlchemiA

thanks
wow
 — mandolyn

around. nice to see this getting the attention it deserves
 — PaleHorse

tktktkt tktktktkt

tktktktkt

tkktktkk

shoosh my love, shoosh tktktktk


tktktktktkktktktkkt
 — unknown

you're sweet, horse. i don't think it deserves any attention but i'm glad you like it. :)

unk^, is that your teeth chattering?
 — mandolyn

no. tktk ktktktktk is my chapstiks: sooshee oh sooshee
 — unknown

i can spam my own poetry thanks. i can spam my own poetry thanks.  i can spam my own poetry thanks.  i can spam my own poetry thanks.  i can spam my own poetry thanks.  i can spam my own poetry thanks.  i can spam my own poetry thanks.  i can spam my own poetry thanks.  i can spam my own poetry thanks. i can spam my own poetry thanks. i can spam my own poetry thanks.  i can spam my own poetry thanks.  i can spam my own poetry thanks.  i can spam my own poetry thanks.  i can spam my own poetry thanks.  i can spam my own poetry thanks.  i can spam my own poetry thanks.  i can spam my own poetry thanks.  i can spam my own poetry thanks.  i can spam my own poetry thanks.  i can spam my own poetry thanks.  i can spam my own poetry thanks.
 — mandolyn

^  LOL
 — sybarite

This is amazing.  I especially love the ambiguity and senselessness of what is going on, or not going on.  The disconnect between the images and lines really helps with cohesion.
 — OldShoe

oops--thought I had commented on this already..I've read it several times.  Nice work Mandolyn.  You've captured the mood very effectively and I love the last line.
 — sybarite

Nothing like an obligatory last line of near-nonchalant/random pointlessness to spice up a pie.  I mean poem.
 — OldShoe

thanks syb :)
wanna go to the arcade?
 — mandolyn

I'm reading a story that takes place in Scotland.
I normally don't read the first poem that pops up when I log on, but it was neat to see this.
 — unknown

Nice to see this back on the front page.  Still excellent.  Closing line is a kicker.
 — sybarite

wow, 2011. that was a mediocre year.
 — mandolyn

<3
That's a ice cream cone.

That is what I think of this poem.
 — yield

SO I want to know.... Did you write this one for me? Or about me? The 5th line makes it ok to answer.
 — yield

maybe...
i will direct you to the poem "when we were paper"
this could be a fun scavenger hunt on your end. ;)
 — mandolyn

Let's play. But let me get drunk first.
 — yield

I like a lot of the lines, especially 1-2, 9, 12-15, but the piece needs focus.  stick to one image- what happened to the irish stomach?  I want to hear about blarney kidney stones and boozed out livers!
 — Nicholai36

^ are you the nick who just liked my page on Fb?

this poem is a personal poem so that is why it may come off a bit confusing. any poems i write that are about certain moments or scenes tend to be shorter and choppy. thanks for your feedback :)
 — mandolyn

These medications for patients who lose their late buy cialis softtabs online Cialis teens and workup be elucidated.  
 — unknown

so I Eat an orange banner for tea
 — rivergood

smart. nice writing.

in line 8,  what is the use of 'that'? to slow the line down so that 'i pulled' would seem snappy? that's skill.
 — cadmium

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