|bob the chemistry wizard
she collected the beads,
she strung them together with hemp,
she stole the medal from b-rad,
and made bob a chemistry wizard.
the mormon elders came by,
but he wasn't there,
where is he, they wondered.
drinking vanilla coke and taking in the caffeine,
letting the CO2 burst into the air.
oxygen winked so invitingly,
nitrogen, leaning against the wall,
O2 danced toward CO2,
a reserved smile and a hidden message.
and CO2 reacted.
he took out a little bit of himself,
O and gave it to her,
but their ballet ended so quickly,
maybe a few milliseconds,
discontent changed him completely,
the angry carbon monoxide.
bob inhaled and thought of the mormon elders,
where are they he wondered,
are they burning coal for warmth,
for the day that he goes to church again?
which will never happen,
because he's now a chemistry wizard.
hemp, only bunch of knots.
chem, only alphanumerica.
girl, stringing another sets of beads.
(also, i am not mormon.)
punctuated 6th oct 2003.
21 Sep 02
Rated 8 (6.7) by 1 users.
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this is brilliant.
Too smart for it's own good.
you guys are saving my site
too stupid to spell "its"
this really is brilliant.
Well, I guess this means something to the writer. However, the last stanza had a really good rhythm.
sounds like lyrics from a cult classic theme song. i'm driven to make it mean something to me. i want to hear the music that plays in the background of this badly. brillance i'll agree with.
i don't know if this is so good because of what i understand in it or what i don't. i love the three simultaneous plots, girl making necklace, chemical reaction, and mormons after bob. it's simple and bizarre enough to work, wrapped up nicely in a simply bizarre or bizarrely simple ending. i can only imagine the mindfuck to someone who doesn't know any backstory to this.
This poem makes you think about "chemistry" between people. It was a bit too flowery I think.
This is wonderful except for almost every line in the first quatrain starting with "she". I think if you mix up the first quatrain a little, you have a ten for this one. However, the rest is magnificent. Here's a 9.
great imagery, said beautifully
The last line is perfect. It's brilliant and sad in such a way that you're not quite sure why. Just a thought: In a few years, Vanilla Coke will date it and possibly be an archaic reference.
i know who b rad is, and who the mormon kid is... you musta gone ta my school too, username. heh...
how do you know them? who are you?
MOUNT OLIVE.... if that means anything to you, we probably went to the same school.
so what name did you go by during your stay in mount olive.
haha... i'd hate to give myself away...
if you reveal your name i will get you an autographed picture of donald tetto and the mormon kid, together.
capitalize 'o', line 17?
But I went to school with Don tetto and Roberts... so that's really okay...
this might be a really good poem, only...
are you mormon? can you e-mail me at email@example.com thanks bye I really do love your poem
Still so cool.
this is great! I love your cartoon-like "drawing" and the understatement for a finale.
I think line 12 should be watching instead of watched; a thinking person's complete and utter ridiculousness- totally fun and genius.
At last, a substitute for Harry Bloody Potter!!!!
None sence poem
I love your flow. It's just so perfectly Bell curve/good-bad. I wish I could do it. As you probably already know, the subject and metaphor are a bit of a Donne-ian conceit, which probably spoils it for a few people. I had to reach back and do some heavy thinking to figure this out, but it was worth it.
No, I guess I'm totally out of the loop, and I don't understand it at all. But lovely nonetheless.
Not this. I need it about the Nile River
Amazing. Very creative and orginal. Makes a lot of sense to me at least. Very good work. Why havent you capitalized bob anywhere? (Just curious)
You need to read this so stoned
Nice job. -claps-