poetry critical

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bob the chemistry wizard

she collected the beads,
she strung them together with hemp,
she stole the medal from b-rad,
and made bob a chemistry wizard.
the mormon elders came by,
but he wasn't there,
where is he, they wondered.
drinking vanilla coke and taking in the caffeine,
letting the CO2 burst into the air.
oxygen winked so invitingly,
nitrogen, leaning against the wall,
watching bitterly.
O2 danced toward CO2,
a reserved smile and a hidden message.
and CO2 reacted.
he took out a little bit of himself,
O and gave it to her,
but their ballet ended so quickly,
maybe a few milliseconds,
discontent changed him completely,
the angry carbon monoxide.
bob inhaled and thought of the mormon elders,
where are they he wondered,
are they burning coal for warmth,
for the day that he goes to church again?
which will never happen,
because he's now a chemistry wizard.
hemp, only bunch of knots.
chem, only alphanumerica.
girl, stringing another sets of beads.
poem, only...

for christa

(also, i am not mormon.)

punctuated 6th oct 2003.

21 Sep 02

Rated 8 (6.7) by 1 users.
Active (1): 2
Inactive (20): 3, 3, 4, 4, 5, 6, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 8, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)

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this is brilliant.
 — unknown

Too smart for it's own good.
 — unknown

you guys are saving my site
 — rafter

too stupid to spell "its"
 — unknown

this really is brilliant.
 — done

Well, I guess this means something to the writer. However, the last stanza had a really good rhythm.
 — Moose

sounds like lyrics from a cult classic theme song. i'm driven to make it mean something to me. i want to hear the music that plays in the background of this badly. brillance i'll agree with.
 — jade

i don't know if this is so good because of what i understand in it or what i don't. i love the three simultaneous plots, girl making necklace, chemical reaction, and mormons after bob. it's simple and bizarre enough to work, wrapped up nicely in a simply bizarre or bizarrely simple ending. i can only imagine the mindfuck to someone who doesn't know any backstory to this.
 — unknown

This poem makes you think about "chemistry" between people. It was a bit too flowery I think.
 — unknown

This is wonderful except for almost every line in the first quatrain starting with "she". I think if you mix up the first quatrain a little, you have a ten for this one. However, the rest is magnificent. Here's a 9.
 — Beatrice

great imagery, said beautifully
 — toothpick

The last line is perfect. It's brilliant and sad in such a way that you're not quite sure why. Just a thought: In a few years, Vanilla Coke will date it and possibly be an archaic reference.
 — allie

i know who b rad is, and who the mormon kid is... you musta gone ta my school too, username. heh...
 — unknown

how do you know them? who are you?
 — unknown

MOUNT OLIVE.... if that means anything to you, we probably went to the same school.
 — unknown

so what name did you go by during your stay in mount olive.
 — unknown

haha... i'd hate to give myself away...
 — unknown

if you reveal your name i will get you an autographed picture of donald tetto and the mormon kid, together.
 — unknown

capitalize 'o', line 17?
 — unknown

But I went to school with Don tetto and Roberts... so that's really okay...
 — unknown

this might be a really good poem, only...
 — unknown

are you mormon? can you e-mail me at jackie2288@hotmail.com thanks bye I really do love your poem
 — unknown

Still so cool.
 — unknown

this is great! I love your cartoon-like "drawing" and the understatement for a finale.
I think line 12 should be watching instead of watched; a thinking person's complete and utter ridiculousness- totally fun and genius.
 — unknown

 — Mazzo

At last, a substitute for Harry Bloody Potter!!!!
 — declan

None sence poem
 — unknown


 — unknown

I love your flow. It's just so perfectly Bell curve/good-bad. I wish I could do it. As you probably already know, the subject and metaphor are a bit of a Donne-ian conceit, which probably spoils it for a few people. I had to reach back and do some heavy thinking to figure this out, but it was worth it.
 — zepplin42

No, I guess I'm totally out of the loop, and I don't understand it at all. But lovely nonetheless.
 — Cella

Not this. I need it about the Nile River
 — unknown

Amazing. Very creative and orginal. Makes a lot of sense to me at least. Very good work. Why havent you capitalized bob anywhere? (Just curious)
 — InMyBlood

You need to read this so stoned
 — unknown

Nice job. -claps-
 — MissMay

its good
 — unknown

aww fuck.
 — jade