poetry critical

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some girls

are meant to be ridden
over borderlines
it's all
(touch me)
deboned willingness
(I am)
for pleasure
some girls
are meant to be broken

26 Oct 11

Rated 10 (8.1) by 3 users.
Active (3): 8
Inactive (6): 1, 3, 7, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(129 more poems by this author)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)

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http://www.yo utube.com/watch?v=Y78mv4cK1CI
 — unknown

I don't think that is quite accurate.
 — unknown

some girls feel an ancient-ache in that swelling, in the overwhelming place where their broken down and crying, where deep calls to deep, and from where they're painfully arising to the beauty that takes down-time to complete ... nice moves
 — AlchemiA

deboned lol
 — unknown

Okay, I'm going out on a limb and guess that Syb is the author of this very sensual, slightly twisted and delicious little poem.  I find a lot unwritten here that I suspect is behind the scene - the leather, candle wax and something hot and juicy to eat after, like fruit dripping juice and chocolate.

I so agree with this poem!
 — Isabelle5

Whew!  hahaha  Yay, it's you!
 — Isabelle5

"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen." -- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

you're beautiful syb, and so is yer' poem...
 — AlchemiA

Mike--glad to have pulled one over on ya--if briefly ;).  Sometimes I get a glimmer of what you seek in a poem, what you push for and for a moment I 'get' you--which is cool.  You're rather like a puzzle I'd like to solve--LOL!

Isabelle, I knew you'd know who wrote this before peeking!

Alch--your comments are more poetic than most poetry--tis a uniquely lyrical mind you possess!

Thank you all for the favorting--I'm honored!
 — sybarite

you want to criticize my poems?? This don't even make sense to me, so Why don't you just re look at your own work, and work on fixing what don't make sense on this so called poem?!
 — angelsraware

syb are you switching teams?  
i could write a lesbo poem about you. :)
 — jenakajoffer

angelsaware, read more of Syb's poems before you judge her while you're feeling bad about comments on your poem.  She is still growing as a poet, as we all are and comments we give on poems generally are not disrespectful, only showing the author what might be coming across to a reader the way we hope it would.
 — Isabelle5

LOL Jen!  No, not switching teams.  (I would for you though) ;)

I'm one of them 'some girls'!  Me n' Isabelle like it rough!  (sorry if I outed ya) no I'm not!  hehehe
 — sybarite

hahaha  You didn't out me to anyone I would worry about having that information.  
I wouldn't switch teams for any woman, Ugh!  No offense to those who like women but I can't even imagine...nor do I wish to!
 — Isabelle5

Thanks Rask ;)
 — sybarite

great poem syb
i am liking all yours lately
 — mandolyn


; )
 — fractalcore

THIS poem makes me sick-- broken? me thinks not!
 — unknown

You don't know what you're missing...wink to Syb
 — Isabelle5

Line 17 is capitalized. That is so curious to me.
 — PaleHorse

Splendid work
 — unknown

Thanks Mandoln, Frac, and unks.

Palehorse--For those who dabble in D/s, the upper case is a sign of respect from the 's' to the 'D'.  And that's all I'm sayin' on the matter in a public place...lol
 — sybarite

Feels more like a homage to Lady GaGa, but I suppose this is a light hearted Female SM

Topaz  O'Reilly
 — unknown

"Some girls consider pain to be more exquisite than pleasure". Now thats a better starting point for such poems. Being wittingly topical is more interesting than writing songs.
 — unknown

oh I got it.

St. Andy understands.
 — PaleHorse

Dearest Unk--I said that, with different words.  While perhaps your proposed start is more pointed, it also sounds like the first sentence of an essay rather than poem.
 — sybarite

Yes it does sound like an opening for a College debate, but poems can be conversational as well
 — unknown

Yes, agreed, however; the type of conversation depicted here is body language rather than verbal, wouldn't you agree?
 — sybarite

Yes agreed and an interesting distinction. Nice conversing with you.
 — unknown

some girls have all the luck
 — unknown

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 — unknown