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when we were tender

you were just a boy
when we first locked hips
at the old creamery–
the milk spilt
and i tried to peek inside your nappy
but a shy little jerk
lasooed my eyes shut.
i grew older and i
bled in the strawberry patch;
sometimes i cried and you'd
bang me into the floorboards–
the barn was cold and your teeth
chattered on my tits
while the bullets grazed
your cuddy cheeks.
i cleaned you like a cat.
you were such a dirty blanket
clocking out the dairy
and i was so slick, so oral.
you grew older
and your locks weren't so golden
like a girl,
but still wet and sometimes tousled–
you were dark and you creaked on me
with that rainbow buggy.
sometimes my throat clogged
and you'd give me the snake,
sometimes we felt so loved.

29 Nov 11

Rated 10 (7) by 2 users.
Active (2): 10
Inactive (1): 1, 10

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Peak inside your nappy? so you mean to peek?
 — unknown

You have gone from bad to worse.
 — unknown

Thank you
 — jenakajoffer

The ending seems rather a desperate finish
 — unknown

i want more!
 — DeformedLion

it's not a desperate finish but i do feel it's a little abrupt.  i think it needs more rainbow creme to ease the exit.
 — jenakajoffer

I think it needs to be deleted completely.
 — unknown

No I'm not deleting it. It's good for me to work on something. I really like my bill poems and I know this one isn't nearly as good as the others; I'm not trying to fool anyone, this is missing that secret ingredient, I feel it.

Thanks for your opinion :)
 — jenakajoffer

This may be a real inappropriate comment, or maybe just wildly misunderstood...

But I get a real Forrest Gump "Do you love me, Jenny" vibe off of this one, in a much more tacit and sensual way.

I adore this piece.
 — PaleHorse

You should know what is being said about you, by someone who you think is so great!
 — unknown

hi ponyexpress, your comment was very interesting and kind of cool too.  funny, these poems always ring with a certain factor; the age factor, the dominant/submissive factor, the intelligence factor, the power struggle...it's kinda nutty and repetitive in ways, but never boring to write.  
it's pretty fun. :D
 — jenakajoffer